輕鬆幽默英語故事

　　在繁忙的生活中，也要偶爾放鬆自己的心情。下面小編為大家帶來四則，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　：要否結婚

　　Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.

　　Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!

　　弗蘭克叔叔七十八歲了，富有而健康。他是個終生單身漢。他曾追求過很多女孩，但“從不過熱----見好就收”。一天他突發奇想，決定四處走走，去看看他那些接近一打的舊時女友。

　　他回來即嘆道：“噓!謝天謝地幸虧我沒娶那些女人中的任何一個。如今她們都成寡婦了!”

　　：廣告

　　After a beautiful purebred puppy wandered onto our back porch and made himself at home, my husband composed an ad for the "Lost and found" column of the local newspaper. It read: "A puppy, male, approximately nine months old, no collar, very friendly, found on Rockbridge Road. "

　　I feared all the detail might encourage an unscrupulous person to claim the dog. As I methodically explained why each clue revealed too much, my husband dutifully crossed out the words. Finally, in frustration, he rewrote the ad, reducing it to a single sentence that I couldn't refute.

　　It read: "Guess what I found?"

　　一隻漂亮的純種狗來到我們的後門廊並已此為家了。我丈夫為當地的“失物招領”欄目構思了一則廣告。它是這樣寫的：“小狗，雄性，近九個月年齡，無項圈，很友善，發現於石橋路。”

　　我害怕這樣的細節會給那些昧著良心要狗的人以可乘之機。我有條不紊地解釋為什麼每個線索都透露得太多，我丈夫就盡職地劃去一些詞。終於，出於為難，他重新寫了廣告，把它縮為一個我無法反駁的句子。

　　它是這樣寫的：“猜猜我發現了什麼?”

　　：我要讓她發瘋

　　Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."

　　"But you're not wearing any of those things."

　　"I know," said Mrs. Flinders." It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he'd remarry right away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

　　福林德斯夫人決定讓人給她畫肖像。她告訴那位肖像畫家說：“畫我帶著鑽石耳環、鑽石項鍊、祖母綠手鐲，還有紅寶石垂飾。”

　　“但你現在沒帶這其中的任何一樣飾品。”

　　“我知道。”福林德斯夫人說，“萬一我先我丈夫死去，我肯定他會立刻再婚。我要讓那個女人為尋找這些珠寶而發瘋。”

　　：報喪方式

　　Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".

　　"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"

　　"Oh," Herbert said, pausing for a moment, "She' s on the roof."

　　一位婦女把車沿著我們銀行的驅車直達視窗開過來，可她並不滿意於她停的位置。因此她倒車，靠得更近點。還是不滿意，倒車，再來。五次努力後，終於她把車停下來，搖下車窗。我簡單地問候她一聲“早上好”。

　　“早上好，”她愉快地回答說，“以後我都要使用這種驅車直達視窗。真是如此的方便。”