簡單的英語笑話及翻譯

　　冷笑話作為一種新興的語言現象，越來越受到大家的關注，尤其在網路、雜誌、微博、電影上十分盛行。下面是小編整理的，歡迎閱讀!

　　篇一

　　世界上最偉大的擊劍手

　　At an exhibition of the world’s best swordsmen，the third一place fencer took the stage. A fly was released，and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second一place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman. His blade came down in a mighty arc- but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

　　在一場世界最佳擊劍手錶演中，排名第三的擊劍手上場了。一隻蒼蠅放了出來，劍劃了一個弧，他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。觀眾歡呼起來。緊接著排名第二的人將一隻蒼蠅切成了四半。現場一陣沉默，人們期盼著世界上最偉大的劍手出場。他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來—然而那隻昆蟲還在繼續飛行!觀眾被驚呆了。最偉大的劍手完全錯過了他的目標，然而他還在微笑著。

　　"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled." You missed!”

　　“你為什麼這樣高興?”有人嚷道，“你沒擊中啊!”

　　"Ah ,”replied the swordsman," yon weren’t watching very carefully. The fly lives yet, yes but he will never be a father.”

　　“啊，”劍手答道，“你剛才沒有很仔細地看。蒼蠅還活著，是的—但他永遠也做不成爸爸了。”

　　篇二

　　你一個，我一個

　　One late autumn evening two boys, having collected sack full of chestnuts, decided to share them out in a graveyard. On their way in one of the boys dropped the sack and two of the cockers rolled out. "We' Il get those later,” he said, and in they went to divide up the remainder. As they were counting them out a small girl happened to be crossing the graveyard，and to her horror she heard from behind a bush a voice say, "one for you , one for me. One for you , one for me” In terror she rushed to the gate and bumped into a policeman, "what' s the matter, little girl?" he asked, for she was obviously in great distress.

　　一個深秋的晚上，兩個男孩撿了一袋栗子準備到墓地裡去平分。在進去的路上，一個男孩不小心把袋子掉在了地上，兩顆栗子滾了出去。“我們過會兒再來找。”他說。他們就進去分其餘的栗子。在他們分栗子時，碰巧有一個小姑娘從墓地穿過。她驚恐萬分地聽到樹叢後面有個聲音在說:“你一個，我一個，你一個，我一個!”她嚇得急忙跑到門口，正撞上一個警察。警察見她萬分恐懼，就問:“小姑娘，出了什麼事了?”

　　"Oh, Mr. Policeman!" She wailed, "there're ghosts in the graveyard, and they're sharing out the dead bodies! Listen!”

　　“噢，警察先生。”她哭著說，“墓地裡面有鬼，他們在分死屍呢!你聽!”

　　And as she held a trembling finger to her lips they heard a voice say, "one for you, one for me. And we mustn’t forget those two by the gate!”

　　她把顫抖的手指豎在嘴脣前，這時他們聽見一個聲音說:“你一個，我一個，咱們可別忘了門口那兩個!”

　　篇三

　　I've Just Bitten My Tongue

　　"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

　　"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

　　"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

　　我剛咬破自己的舌頭

　　“我們有毒嗎?”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。

　　“是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個幹什麼?”

　　“因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。”

　　篇四

　　你爸爸是做什麼的?

　　A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"

　　一位年級老師問學生們的父母是做什麼的，

　　“蒂姆，你先說”，老師說到，“你媽媽每天都做些什麼呢?”

　　Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

　　蒂姆站起來，驕傲的回答道，“她是一名醫生。”

　　"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

　　“太棒了!那麼，你呢，艾米?”

　　Amie shyly stood up, scuffed1 her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

　　艾米害羞地站起來，一邊磨腳一邊說到，“我爸爸是個郵遞員。”

　　"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

　　“謝謝你，艾米”，老師說到，“比利，你的爸爸是做什麼的呢。”

　　Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."

　　比利自豪地站起來，大聲回答：“我爸爸殺人，搶劫，還酗酒。”

　　The teacher was aghast and promptly2 changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

　　老師驚慌失色，隨即把話題轉換到地理上。那天晚上，老師來到比利家，摁響了門鈴。比利爸爸開的門。老師陳述了他兒子說過的話，並且問到是否有個合理的解釋。

　　Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?

　　比利爸爸說，“我確實是名律師，但是我該怎麼向一個7歲的小孩解釋法律案件呢”