幽默爆笑英文笑話大全

　　冷笑話是近幾年才出現的新興語言現象，它以網路為主要的傳播方式。它是幽默的一種特殊的表現形式，主要流傳於網頁，微博，貼吧等。它與傳統的笑話不同，有其獨特的產生和理解方式。小編精心收集了幽默爆笑英文笑話，供大家欣賞學習!

　　幽默爆笑英文笑話：How much English can you speak?

　　"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

　　The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

　　The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

　　"法官先生，我的當事人被指控偷竊，這是多麼不公正啊。他一週前才來到紐約，幾乎不認路。而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞。"

　　法官看被告，問道："你會說多少英文?"

　　被告抬起頭，說："把你的錢包給我!"

　　幽默爆笑英文笑話：Beautiful Hat 漂亮的帽子

　　Mr Jones had a few day's holiday, so he said, "I am going to go to the mountains by train."

　　He put on his best clothes, took a small bag, went to the station and got into the train. He had beautiful hat, and he often put his head out of the window during the trip and looked at the mountains. But the wind pulled his hat off.

　　Mr Jones quickly took his old bag and threw that out of the window too. The other people in thecarriage laughed. "Is your bag going to bring your beautiful hat back?" they asked.

　　"No," Mr Jones answered, "but there's no name and no address in my hat, and there's name and an address on the bag. Someone's going to find both of them near each other, and he's going to send me the bag and the hat."

　　瓊斯先生有幾天假期，於是他說：“我要乘火車山區度假。”

　　他穿上最好的衣服，拿了一個手提包，到了火車站上了車。他戴了一頂漂亮的帽子。在旅途中不時地把頭伸向車窗外觀看山中的風景，結果他的帽子被風吹跑了。

　　瓊斯先生立即拿起自己的拎包，把它也扔到了窗外。車廂裡的乘客都笑了，他們問瓊斯先生：“難道拎包會把你漂亮的帽子找回來嗎?”

　　“不會。”瓊斯先生說，“但是，我的帽子上面沒有姓名也沒有地址，可我的包上卻又有姓名又有地址。有人會在不遠的地方發現這兩樣東西，然後他會把帽子連同帽子一起寄給我的。”

　　幽默爆笑英文笑話：It is an Oak Tree 這是一棵橡樹

　　One summer, two men, who had come to the country for their holidays.

　　They were walking in an orchard. They saw that all the trees were bending under a heavy load of apples. Except one tree on which there were no apples at all.

　　A small country boy was sitting nearby. They called to him. "Come here, boy. Here's a six pence for you. Do you know why there are no apples on that tree?"

　　"Of course I do, sir, because it is an oak tree," answered the boy.

　　一年夏天，有兩個人來到鄉下度假。

　　他們漫步走進果園，只見果實累累，結滿了蘋果，英語小故事那些樹都被壓彎了腰，而又一棵樹上一個蘋果也沒有。

　　旁邊地上坐著一個鄉下小男孩。他們大聲向他問道：“孩子，過來，給你六便士，你知道為什麼這棵樹上沒有蘋果嗎?”

　　那男孩回答說：“當然知道，先生，因為這是一棵橡樹。”

　　幽默爆笑英文笑話：A forgetful man

　　Man: Doctor, I'm getting very forgetful. Doctor: I see, Mr. Brown. Won't you take a chair? Man: Thanks, take a what? Doctor: A chair. Now, when did you first notice this trouble? Man: What trouble?

　　幽默爆笑英文笑話：The Umbrella 雨傘

　　A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall, but he had put on the handle a card on which was written: "This umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up a hundred pounds. I shall be back in ten minutes." When he came back, he found, instead of his umbrella, another card on which was written,"This card belongs to a man who can run ten miles an hour. I shall not come back."

　　一位住在旅館的紳士把他的雨傘放在了大廳裡，不過他在傘柄上繫了一張卡片，上面寫道，“此傘屬於一位能舉百磅的紳士。我將在十分鐘內回來。”當他回來時，發現雨傘已經不翼而飛，取而代之的是另一張卡片，上面寫著：“此卡是一位一小時能跑十英里的人留下的，我將永遠不回來了。”

　　幽默爆笑英文笑話：Monkey Business 帶它去動物園

　　A policeman took a monkey to his boss. The boss asked, "What kind of monkey business are you getting up to? He said, "This monkey was wandering on the streets, not following any of the rules. I'm turning him in.

　　The boss said, "Oh, my God! You're so dumb! If you catch a monkey, you have to take it to the zoo. Why bring it to me. Take it to the zoo! So the policeman took the monkey out.

　　Three or four days later, he was seen again, holding the monkey's hand.

　　He took the monkey to the police car, opened the door, put it in, and was about to drive away. The boss saw this, ran out, and asked, "Oh, my God! How come the monkey is still here? I told you to take it to the zoo.

　　The policemanreplied, "Yes, sir. I've already taken him to the zoo. Today, I'm taking him to see a movie."

　　有一位警察大哥帶了只猴子給他上司看，他上司就說他：“你搞什麼猴子把戲?”警察大哥說：“這猴子在大街上到處亂跑，什麼法律都不懂，我把它捉了回來，治它的罪。”

　　上司說：“天啊，你怎麼那麼笨?捉到猴子就把它帶到動物園去嘛，帶給我幹嘛?帶它到動物園去。”後來那警察大哥就帶了猴子出去了。

　　三、四天後還看見他跟猴子手拉手開啟警察車門讓猴子坐進去，正準備開車，他上司跑了出來說他：“天啊，為什麼到現在還把猴子留在這兒，我不是叫你把它帶到動物園去的嗎?為什麼還在這兒?”

　　警察大哥：“我有呀!我已經帶它去了動物園，今天帶它去看電影!