長篇英語笑話大全帶翻譯

　　笑話不僅是我們生活中不可缺少的，而且也是我們工作學習之餘緩解壓力、舒緩情緒的重要渠道。小編整理了，歡迎閱讀!

　　篇一

　　This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING

　　If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.

　　It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

　　It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

　　It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

　　Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

　　It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

　　Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

　　這是一個：電腦新病毒的警告

　　如果你收到一封主題是“ 倒黴透了”的郵件時，立即刪除千萬不要閱讀。這是迄今最為危險的郵件病毒。

　　它會重寫你的硬碟，不止這些，還會損壞任何離你電腦很近的磁碟。重置你冰箱的製冷度數讓好吃的冰淇淋全部化掉，牛奶也餿掉。它還會讓你的所有信用卡磁條失效，更改你在自動提款機上取錢的密碼，你錄影機上的影像資料也會變得亂七八糟，它還利用子空間場諧波刮壞任何你想聽的CD。

　　它還會把你的新電話號碼告訴你的舊情人，把防凍劑注入到你的魚缸裡，它將喝光你所有的啤酒，然後，當有人上門的時候，將它的臭襪子留在茶几上。

　　當你遲到的時候它會藏起你的車鑰匙，還會干擾你車內的音響系統，好讓你在塞車的時候欣賞沙沙的靜電聲。

　　“倒黴透了”還會把你的洗髮水換成脫毛膏，然後把你的脫毛膏換成生髮液.還始終在你背後與你的現任情人幽會，用你的維薩信用卡支付他們的酒店浪漫費用。

　　它會色誘你的祖母，不管她在不在人世。這些都顯示了此郵件的影響力，它就是這樣毀掉了墳墓內外所有美好的事。

　　這個郵件會使你患上荷蘭榆樹病，它會讓你的屁股永遠放不到馬桶座墊上，還會把電吹風插在放滿水的浴缸旁邊的插座上，它會肆意篡改枕頭和床墊的禁止事項，把脫脂牛奶換成全脂牛奶。它躲在暗處，到處寫滿了它的危險和可怕，不過，它呈現的淡紫色到是相當有趣的。

　　篇二

　　Be Careful What You Wish For

　　A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

　　During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

　　The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

　　Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

　　The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

　　慎重許願

　　一對結婚25週年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。

　　慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現了。她說，由於他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個願望。

　　妻子想周遊世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。

　　接下來該丈夫許願了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。”

　　仙女拾起了魔術棒。“呯!”，他變成了90歲。

　　篇三

　　One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.

　　"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.

　　"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"

　　"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."

　　一天，妻子 Sue 在整理床鋪時，偶然發現了一個小盒子。出於好奇心，她小心翼翼的打開了盒子，發現裡面放了三枚雞蛋和10000美元鈔票。對於相處了20餘年丈夫居然對自己隱瞞了此事，她開始感到有些疑惑不安。

　　“哦，是這樣的，”丈夫 Frank 解釋道，“每次我做了對你不忠的事，我就會在這個盒子裡放一枚雞蛋。” Sue 雖然對此感到不很高興，但是轉念又一想20多年的丈夫揹著她有婚外情也不過只有三次，想想也不算太壞。

　　“那麼另外的那10000美元是怎麼回事?”

　　“每當雞蛋湊夠一打，我就賣了換成現金。”