小學的英語笑話

　　下面是小編整理的，希望對大家有幫助。

　　：兄弟倆的對話 Where is the father?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　父親在哪兒?

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

　　“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

　　哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”

　　：汽車配件 Automobile Fittings

　　A lorry driver makes inquiry of a mountaineer, "Excuse me, where can I buy the auto accessories***附件*** in the neighborhood?"

　　Mountaineer says, "Some people usually drive heroic car on the road. There is a abrupt turn***急轉彎*** ahead not far from here, and a clough***深谷*** just below it, where you can find all kinds of the auto accessories. You will spend no money at all."

　　一個卡車司機向一山民打聽：“請問，這附近哪兒能買到汽車配件?”

　　山民說：“這條路上經常有人開英雄車，前面不遠處是個急轉彎，急轉彎的下面就是深谷，那深谷裡什麼樣的汽車配件都有——根本用不著花錢。”

　　：拍賣會上 At Auction Fair

　　At auction spot, someone has lost a bag, in which has the vital document.

　　The owner says, "Once who picked it up brings it to me, I will take out 200 dollars to remunerate reward him or her."

　　On hearing the news, another chap***小夥子，傢伙*** shouts out:" I reward 300 dollars."

　　拍賣會上，有人的包丟了，裡面裝有重要檔案。物主說：“有誰揀到送還，我將拿出200美元以表酬謝。”

　　話剛出口，就聽有人喊：“我出300美元。”

　　：The Doctor Knows Better

　　A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

　　"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

　　"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

　　一個男人在街上被計程車撞倒送進了醫院。他的妻子站在他的床前對醫生說：“我想他傷得很厲害。”

　　醫生說：“恐怕他已經死了。”

　　聽到醫生的話，這個男人轉動著頭說：“我沒死，我還活著。”

　　妻子說：“安靜，醫生比你懂得多。”

　　：　I Don't Need to Steal Any More

　　The owner of a large department store went over hisbooks and discovered that his most trusted employee had stolenover a million dollars from the firm.“I want no scandal，” saidthe owner.“I'll just fire you.” The employee replied，“True，I robbed your firm of quitea tidy sum. I now have yachts， a country mansion， jewelry，and every luxury you can think of. I don't need a thing， sowhy hire somebody else and have him start from scratch?”

　　一家大百貨店的老闆在查帳中發現，他最信任的僱員從公司偷走了一百多萬美元。“我不要醜聞。”老闆說。“我只要開除你。”那個僱員回答說：“不錯，我是偷了你公司相當一大筆錢。現在我有遊艇、一座鄉村別墅、珠寶，以及你能想到的一切 奢侈品。我什麼都不需要了，你為什麼要再僱個人來，讓他從頭做起呢?”

　　：合理的憂傷

　　On his deathbed poor Lubin lies; His spouse is in despair; With frequent sobs and mutual cries; They both express their care. “A different cause，”says Parson Sly， “The same effect may give： Poor Lubin fears that he may die ; His wife，that he may live”.

　　馬修·普賴厄 可憐的魯賓躺在他的病床裡; 他的妻子陷入絕望; 頻頻啜泣，相對哭啼， 他們都表達著憂傷。 “不同原因，”滑頭牧師說， “可產生同樣結果： 可憐的魯賓怕他會死; 他老婆，怕他會活。”

　　：Compare other things?比一下其他?

　　Compare other things?比一下其他?

　　Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon’s name signed.

　　Mom: You just care about this? Haven’t you compared other things?

　　Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.

　　兒子：媽媽，John有雙喬丹簽名的球鞋。

　　媽媽：你只關心這個嗎?不會比一下其它東西?

　　兒子：有啊，他媽媽比你漂亮。

　　：What are the Two Words?

　　A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?

　　Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?

　　一個非常和藹的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。我親愛的，老夫人說，我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應永遠不要用兩個詞，一個是“討厭的”，另一個是“極好的”。你能答應我嗎?

　　噢，當然，奶奶。女孩說：是哪兩個詞?

　　：奇猜異想

　　Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.

　　One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked ! I'm naked!"

　　我們的物理教授千方百計引導我們討論阿基米德的排水原理。他告訴我們阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡，他進入池子，發現水漲高了，溢位池沿。他對這一發現十分激動，跑到街上高叫：“Eureka，Eureka!”教授問我們誰知道他喊的是什麼意思。

　　一個學生站起來答道：“我光屁股啦，我光屁股啦!”

　　：離婚

　　A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"

　　the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一個丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官面前，要求離婚。“我不明白，”法官說，“你們為什麼到了這把年紀還要離婚?”

　　丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你是知道的，我們以前是喲等到孩子們都死了。”