最搞笑的小學生英語笑話

　　近年來,冷笑話作為一種新興的語言現象在網路、雜誌上十分盛行。小編整理了，歡迎閱讀!

　　：上天堂還是下地獄

　　Two guys recently dead were given the option to stay either in Heaven or Hell fog the rest of their eternity. They asked if it was OK to look around first, and to their surprise,it was.First, they went to Heaven. All niceguys were there, dressed in white they sat on clouds playing harp. Quite a boring place, thought our heroes.

　　兩個傢伙死了之後，被允許選擇是願意呆在天堂還是地獄。他們提出能否到兩個地方先觀光一下，他們被允許了。首先他們來到了天堂。這裡都是穿著白衣服看上去很正派的人，他們坐在白雲上彈奏著豎琴。他們想:這是個多無聊的地方呀。

　　"Let' s go to Hell，”they said to each other.

　　“讓我們下地獄吧，”他們互相商量著。

　　Hell turned out to be a completely different scene. It was all bars, casino andamusement parks. Free drinks for everyone and a lot of people having a real good time.Back from Hell，the guys were asked to choose between Heaven and Hell. They both chose Hell.

　　他們來到了地獄，這裡簡直是一番完全不同的景色。那裡有酒吧、***和遊樂園。每個人都可以免費喝酒，所有的人都享受著他們真正的快樂時光。當他們從地獄回來以後，他們不得不在天堂和地獄之間做出選擇。最後，他們都選擇了下地獄。

　　Back in Hell, they were immediately scuffled in the back of a sub-surface car and driven to a coalmine. Someone gave them a shovel each and told them to start working.

　　回到了地獄之後，他們立即被送進了一輛礦井車的後座，然後駛向了一個煤礦井。有人給他們每人一個鏟子，叫他們開始工作。

　　"What' s this? The last time we were here the place was entirely different.”

　　“這是怎麼回事?上次我們在這裡的時候完全不是這樣的。”

　　"Yes, but then you were tourists, now you are immigrants.

　　“是的，但是那時你們是遊客，現在你們是移民。”

　　：每根都能劃得燃

　　有一個特別在乎錢的人，一天他叫兒子去買一盒火柴，並且告訴兒子一定要搞清楚每根火柴都是好的。他的兒子一會兒就回來了。這個人拿出火柴劃了一根，沒有燃著。他又劃了幾根還是沒有一根劃燃。他非常生氣地說:“我不是告訴過你要保證每一根火柴都是好的嗎?”

　　There was a man who cared more for money than anything else, one day he sent his son to buy a box of matches, and told the boy he must see that every match in the box was good, soon the boy came back. The man took out a match and struck it, but it failed to light, he tried several more, but none was good. He got very angry and said, “I told you every match must be good, didn't I?”

　　“是的，你確實說過，”孩子回答，“我把盒子裡所有的火柴都試過了，每根都能劃得燃。”

　　“Yes,you did,” the boy replied. “I tried out all the matches in the box and every match lit.”

　　：唱出你的心聲

　　There was a little girl whose mother was very strict. Her mother tried to make her daughter behave in a very decent manner, but the girl was still three and half years old. One day the family went to a party, and in the middle of the party the girl cried, "Mommy I want to go restroom.” This drew a lot of attention and the mother felt embarrassed about her daughter. At home she advised that whenever she wants to go to restroom she should say, "I want to sing.”

　　有一個小女孩，她的媽媽對她特別嚴厲。她媽媽試圖讓小女孩的舉止端莊，但是這個女孩只有三歲半。一天一家人去參加一個聚會，在聚會當中小女孩哭著說:“媽媽，我想上廁所。”這吸引了許多人的注意，母親也因為她女兒的行為而感到尷尬。回到家中，她要求女兒不管什麼時候只要想上廁所就說:“我想唱首歌。”

　　After a couple of days the girl’s grandfather came to visit them. She liked her grandfather very much. At night, she slept with her grandfather, who put her to sleep with a story. After couple of hours, she woke up and said，"Grandpa I want to sing.”The grandpa was afraid of causing a disturbance past midnight if the girl began singing, so he told her in a very low voice, "Baby if you want to sing, sing in my ears.”

　　過了幾天，女孩兒的外公來看她和媽媽。小女孩非常喜歡她的外公。晚上，她和給她講故事的外公一起睡。過了幾個小時，她起來說:“外公，我想唱首歌。”外公害怕她如果在半夜唱歌會打攪別人，所以就用非常低沉的聲音告訴她:“寶貝，如果你想唱，那麼就在外公的耳邊唱吧。”