通俗易懂英語幽默笑話短文
幽默帶來悟力和寬容，冷嘲則帶來深刻而不友善的理解。小編整理了，歡迎閱讀!
：特別來賓
A lawyer finds himself at the Pearly Gates at the same time as the pope. Both men are allowed to enter heaven, and the lawyer is ensconced in a magnificent mansion. But he sees that the pope is housed in a far more humble dwelling. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the lawyer asks St. Peter about it.
一位律師發現他和某教宗一起到達天堂的珍珠門，兩個人都被允許進入天堂。律師被安置在一間豪華的別墅，但他卻見到教宗被安排住在非常簡陋的住所。由於好奇心的驅使，律師問聖彼得其中原委。
“Well, you see,” replies St. Peter, “we have dozens of popes up here, but we’ve never had a lawyer before.”
“哦，你看我們這裡有好幾十位教宗，可是你卻是第一個上天堂的律師呢!”聖彼得答道。
： 好運跟著保險來
“For the last time, I don’t want any insurance!” said the harassed householder to the salesman.
“這是最後一次了，我不要買任何保險!”被騷擾的房主對推銷員說道。
“Just a moment, sir. Please consider this: Just last month I sold a policy to a man much like yourself. The very next day his house caught fire. The house was completely gutted. To save himself, he had to leap from an upstairs window; he landed on his own car, went through the roof, broke both his legs and an arm.”
“等一會兒，先生，請您仔細考慮一下：上個月有一位先生長得跟你很像，他剛買了一份保險，隔天他家就著火，房子內部全都被燒燬，為了保住性命，他從樓上窗戶跳下來，恰巧落在他的汽車上，穿過車頂，他摔斷了兩條腿和一隻手臂。”
“Well, he was one of the lucky ones, wasn’t he?”
“喔!他就是你所說的幸運人士中的一個，不是嗎?”
：多謝了，班長
The sergeant had just completed the morning inspection of the troops.
一位班長剛完成部隊晨間檢查。
“Before I dismiss you, there’s just one announcement. Private Kowalski, your mother is dead. Dismissed.”
“解散之前，有件事要宣佈一下，二等兵卡瓦斯基，你母親已經過 世了。解 散!”
The soldier was devastated, of course, and the lieutenant was appalled at the sergeant’s heartlessness.
當然，那位士兵遭受很大的打擊，而排長也訝異於班長的冷酷無情。
“For Heaven’s sake, sergeant, next time you have to inform a trooper of a loved one’s demise, please be a little more subtle,” he said.
“看在老天的分上，班長，下次你要告訴弟兄們有親人死亡時，請多用點技巧，委婉一些，”排長說道。
A few weeks later, sorry to say, the sergeant had another opportunity. Lining up his troops, he ordered, “All of you whose mother is still alive, step forward. Not you, Johnson.”
幾個禮拜之後，很不幸那位班長又有一次機會。集合了部隊，他下 令道“：所有媽媽尚健在的，前進一步。你，約翰遜，除外。”