長一點的英語笑話對話

　　笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆。與此同時,笑話也是人們反對極權和專制制度的有力武器。小編整理了，歡迎閱讀!

　　篇一

　　by Leigh Hunt

　　I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual,and could hardly read.There was a book used by the leaners in reading called“Dialogues between a Missionary and an Indian.”It was a poor performance,full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces.The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school,the master standing behind him.

　　The lesson was to begin.The poor fellow,whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops,stood half looking at the book,and half casting his eye towards the right of him, whence the blows were to proceed.The master looked over him,and his hand was ready.I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time ;but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport,and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed：

　　Master.“Now,young man,have a care ;or I'll set you a swingeing task.”***A common phrase of his.***

　　Pupil***making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity,and neverremembering his stop at the word“Missionary”***.Missionary Can you see the wind?

　　***Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek.***

　　Pupil***raising his voice to a cry,and still forgetting his stop***.“Indian No!”

　　Master.“Zounds,young man!have a care how you provoke me!”

　　Pupil***always forgetting the stop***.Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing?”

　　***Here a terrible thump.***

　　Pupil***with a shout of agony***. Indian Because I feel it.”

　　篇二

　　Applicant: "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."

　　Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have enough consultants."

　　Applicant: "That's okay, with my experience, I can be an adviser."

　　Employer: "More than we can use already."

　　Applicant ***getting desperate***: "I'm not proud. I can do paperwork, I'll be a clerk, If you have too many, I'll start as a janitor."

　　Employer: "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications."

　　Applicant ***stands, angrily yells***: "To work for you I'd have to be a low life, bellycrawling, double dealing jerk!"

　　Employer: "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney! Have a seat, we may have an opening."

　　篇三

　　What A Way To Go

　　There are two guys in a bar...one says, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!!!"

　　"Whoa, what the heck happened to him?" asks the other guy.

　　"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

　　"What a horrible way to die!" says the other guy.

　　"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

　　"What a way to go, that's terrible!"

　　"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

　　"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

　　"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

　　"Man, what a way to go!"

　　"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted -- 10,000 volts shot through him."

　　"Now that is one awful way to go!"

　　"No no, he survived that..."

　　"Hold on now, just how did he die?" asks the other guy.

　　"I shot him!" the first guy exclaims.

　　"You shot him? What the heck did you shoot him for?"

　　"The son of a gun was wrecking my house!"