關於簡短英語笑話閱讀

　　笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆。與此同時,笑話也是人們反對極權和專制制度的有力武器。本文是關於簡短英語笑話，希望對大家有幫助!

　　關於簡短英語笑話：It's All In The Name

　　Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry and I am a SNAG." Another guy says, "What's that?" The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy." Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK." A girl asks, "What's that?" He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids." A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE." Larry says, "A WIFE? What's a WIFE?" She says, "That means, "Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

　　關於簡短英語笑話：Fitting Punishment

　　Mr. Jones is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.

　　Mr. Jones is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to receive 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.

　　Mrs. Jones is first.

　　"What do you wish for yourself?"

　　"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."

　　"Okay, that shall be granted to you."

　　Mrs. Jones has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows.

　　Next it is Mr. Jones' mother-in-law's turn.

　　"What do you wish for yourself?"

　　"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end and a pillow bound on my back before the lashings."

　　"Okay, that shall be granted to you."

　　The mother-in-law receives her fifty lashes, but hardly feels the pain through the pillows.

　　Then comes Mr. Jones himself.

　　"What do you wish for yourself?"

　　"I have two wishes. Do you want to fulfill them for me?"

　　"Because you are a guest in our country, we want to fulfill your wishes for you, as long as they are reasonable."

　　"I would like 100 lashes instead of 50."

　　The executioner is surprised, but recovers again right away and replies, "Yes, that is a piouswish, it shall be granted to you. And what is your second wish?"

　　"I would like to have my mother-in-law bound to my back."

　　關於簡短英語笑話：Lost Far From A Home

　　A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out.The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. " Oy Morris ", said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? " Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."

　　關於簡短英語笑話：Acquired Paint Shop Pro Syndrome

　　The Centre for Disease Control in Atlanta today announced the identification of a new disease.

　　Tentatively named Acquired Paint Shop Pro Syndrome, the disease is highly infectious. Scientists at CDC say the disease is caused by a bacillus called staphloaibrush because of its brush-like shape. Under the microscope the bacillus is long and slender with a bristle likeappendage at one end.

　　Symptoms of the disease include feverish babbling of words, such as font, blade, image, fill, and talking about invisible friends such as Kittypoo, Luv2pnt,and Qeenfont etc. Additionally, symptoms include feverish trading and storing of filters, masks and plug-ins, and a 'groaningGraphics folder.

　　The disease is especially dangerous because it cannot only be passed along directly from one infected individual to another, but documented cases have been found where the sufferer caught the disease from reading a tutorial or joining a graphics exchange group.

　　The CDC says that while the disease is especially prevalent on an Internet Server called America Online cases have been found on other Servers around the globe.

　　Family members should be aware that while the disease may occasionally enter remission, it is at present incurable.

　　The patient should be given a quiet corner with a comfortable chair, ample supply of snack type treats, and good lighting. Interruptions should be minimized.

　　關於簡短英語笑話：Cheese Scones

　　An elderly Irishman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

　　Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.

　　Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for here, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were dozens of his favourite cheese scones.

　　Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

　　The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife... "Get OUT! "she said, "they're for the funeral!"