經典英語幽默笑話合集
笑話是古典小說的一個分支,這在眾多的小說史中都得到了肯定。下面是小編帶來的英語幽默笑話合集，歡迎閱讀!
英語幽默笑話合集精選
***一***
I'm not having it all cut off
沒把頭髮全剪掉啊
Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this wasagainst the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was atthe barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut andsat just beside him.
麥爾斯有時在上班時間去理髮館理髮，但這是違反辦公室規定的：職員只能利用自己的時間理髮。一天，正當麥爾斯理髮時，經理碰巧也進來理髮，而且就坐在他旁邊。
"Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."
"你好，麥爾斯，"經理說。"我看到你在上班時間理髮了。"
"Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time."
"是的，先生。正是這樣。"麥爾斯平靜地承認了。"可先生，你看，頭髮是在上班時間長的。"
"Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time."
"不全都是吧，"經理立刻說，"有一些是在你自己的時間裡長的。"
"Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."
"對呀，先生，你說得很對。"麥爾斯禮貌地回答說，"但我並沒有把頭髮全都剪掉啊。"
***二***
病人為什麼大喊
Why Is He Howling.
他為什麼喊
Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
牙醫：請你不要再喊了!我還沒碰你的牙呢。
Patient: I know, but you are standing on my foot!
病人：我知道，可是你正踩著我的腳呀!
英語幽默笑話合集閱讀
***一***
最喜歡哪種鳥 Like which bird best
In class, the teacher showed pictures of various birds.
課堂上，老師在展示各種各樣鳥的圖片。
Then he asked, "What kinds of bird do you like best, Jack?"
然後他問:"傑克，你最喜歡哪種鳥?"
Jack answered, "Fried chicken, sir."
傑克回答說:"老師，炸雞"
***二***
三聲口哨 Three Whistles
I promised my girlfriend a gold necklace for her birthday,
我答應過我的女朋友過生日進送她一條金項鍊,
but when the jeweler quoted a price for one we liked, I let out a long, low whistle.
可是當珠寶商報出我們看中的那條項鍊的價格時，我低低地打了個長口哨。
"And how much are they then?" I asked, pointing to another tray.
“那這條項鍊多少錢呢?”我指著另一個盤子裡的項鍊問。
"You, sir," replied the jeweler, "about three whistles."
“先生，對你來說，”珠寶商答道，“大約值三聲口哨。”
英語幽默笑話合集學習
***一***
中間戰術 Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhemto ensue.
三個互相爭生意的商店老闆在一條商業街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價!”“特便宜!”
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "FantasticDiscounts!"
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價!”“大折扣!”
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中間的商人隨後準備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“***處”。
***二***
我丈夫馬上就要回來了
A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.
一個已婚男人去拜訪他的“女朋友”時，女朋友要求他剃去鬍鬚。
"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
“噢，詹姆斯，我喜歡你的鬍子，但我更喜歡看到你英俊的面孔。”
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"
詹姆斯回答說，“我的妻子喜歡我的鬍子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否則她會殺了我的。”
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...
“噢，我求你了，”女朋友用一種低沉的、性感的聲音又一次說道。
"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"
“可是，我不能，”他回答道，“我的妻子喜歡這鬍子。”
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in.
在女朋友再三請求下，他終於屈服同意了。
That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
夜裡，在妻子熟睡時，詹姆斯爬上了床。
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here,my husband will be home soon!"
妻子朦朦朧朧地摸了摸他的臉說道，“噢，邁克爾，你不應該在這裡，我的丈夫很快就要回來了。”