經典英語小笑話

　　下面是小編整理的，希望大家會喜歡!

　　：Five Months Older大五個月

　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

　　But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.

　　"How old are you?" he said.

　　"Eighteen, sir," said John.

　　"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

　　"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

　　第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。

　　可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。

　　“你多大了?”軍醫問。

　　“十八，長官。”約翰說。

　　“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

　　約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”

　　：Give up your seat to a lady給女士讓座

　　Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　　"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

　　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

　　小強尼說：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時，他叫我讓座給一位女士。”

　　媽媽說：“你做得很對呀。”

　　“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的。”

　　：jump up and down

　　Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?

　　Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.

　　媽媽：你為什麼不停地跳上跳下的?

　　湯姆：我剛吃完藥，可我忘了先搖動瓶子了

　　：Put your feet in把腳放進去

　　The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

　　一個女學生坐在座位上，嘴裡起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發現了。“瑪麗!”老師嚴厲地叫她。“什麼事，老師?”這女學生問。“把口香糖從嘴裡拿出來，把腳放進去。”

　　：他的耳朵在我衣兜裡

　　Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

　　"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

　　"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

　　"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

　　伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，“發生了什麼事?”

　　“一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。

　　“再見到他你能認出來嗎?”媽媽問。

　　“他走到哪裡我都能認出他，”伊凡說。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜裡呢。”

　　：　愚蠢的問題Stupid Question

　　Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

　　After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

　　“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.

　　But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”

　　丹在一個大城市的某個俱樂部當守門人。每天都有數千人經過他的門口，而且許多人都會停下來問他:“請問現在幾點?”

　　幾個月後，丹想:“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問題了，我要去買一隻大鐘，把它掛在這兒的牆上。”於是他買了一隻鍾，把它掛在了牆上。

　　“現在人們總不會再停下來問我時間了。”他高興地想。

　　可是打那以後，每天仍有許多人停下來，看看鐘，然後問丹:“這鐘準嗎?”

　　：　Intelligent son 聰明的兒子

　　One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

　　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

　　"Certainly"

　　"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

　　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

　　"Then why you didn't take it back?"

　　"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

　　有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經拿著信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。

　　兒子回來後,父親問他:“你把信丟進郵筒了嗎?” “當然”“你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?”

　　“我當然看見信封上什麼也沒寫”“那你為什麼不拿回來呢?”

　　“我還以為你不寫地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰呢!”

　　：我希望您的麵包病好了

　　I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand***使命，差事*** . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."

　　我在做麵包，需要把麵糰放在一個暖和點的地方使它發起來。我把面盆放在電熱褥裡，後來就出去幹別的活去了。等我回家時，發現兒子留下一張紙條，上面寫著：“親愛的媽媽，我希望您的麵包已經病好了。”

　　：A Present 凱特的禮物

　　Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

　　Mom: No, Honey, what?

　　Kate: A nice teapot.

　　Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.

　　Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.

　　凱特：媽媽，你知道我要給你一件什麼生日禮物嗎?

　　媽媽：不知道，寶貝，是什麼呀?

　　凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。

　　媽媽：可是我已經有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。

　　凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。

　　：Two Birds 兩隻鳥

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

　　Teacher: Please tell us.

　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　老師： 這兒有兩隻鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪隻是燕子，哪隻是麻雀嗎?

　　學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

　　老師：請說說看。

　　學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

　　：這有多嬌生慣養啊

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled***被寵壞的*** . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum***亂髮脾氣*** . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

　　Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

　　Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什麼不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。

　　約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他並問道：學校怎麼樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?

　　哭?約翰問，不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。