超經典英語小笑話閱讀
近年來,冷笑話在電視媒體以及網路上廣為流傳,帶來了一場嶄新的語言風暴。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!
篇一
No Sweat! 不費吹灰之力
There were four passengers in the small aircraft as it sputtered over the Andes; a businessman, an inventor, a priest and a laid-back budget traveller.
一架正飛越安第斯山脈的小飛機上坐著四名乘客：一名商人，一名發明家，一位神父和一個靠預算過日子、看起來懶懶散散的旅行者。
Suddenly the pilot entered the cabin and told them the horrible news: “Gentlemen, the plane is going down. I’m going to try to crash-land it, but you must all jump.”
突然，駕駛員走進艙告訴他們可怕的訊息“：各位先生，這架飛機正失控下降中，我要設法迫降，但你們必須先跳下飛機。”
Naturally, the men were horrified, and even more so when they discovered that there were only three parachutes.
當然，那幾個人都嚇得目瞪口呆，尤其是當他們發現只有三個降落傘可以使用時，更是心驚膽戰。
The businessman said, “Sirs, I employ thousands of people. Their lives and those of their families depend on me . I think you’ll agree that I must survive.” He promptly put on a parachute and leaped.
那名商人說道“：各位先生，我僱用好幾千名員工，他們都要靠我養家活口，我想你們都同意我必須活著回去。”說著他便穿上一具降落傘跳出飛機去。
The inventor rose, already adjusting the straps. “I’m the smartest man in the world. My inventions have transformed the lives of millions. There’s no telling how much good I may yet do. Goodbye.” And he, too, jumped from the plane.
接著發明家站了起來，調整了肩帶說道“：我是世界上最聰明的人，我的發明改變了成千上萬人的生活。我還會對大眾造多少福難以估計。再見了，各位!”他也跟著跳出機艙。
The priest was serene, and interrupted his prayers to speak to the traveller. “I am a man of God, my son; I have no fear of death. Take the last parachute and save you life.”
神父心平氣和，中斷禱告，對旅行者說道“：小夥子，我是信奉上帝的人，我對死並不畏懼，剩下的降落傘你就拿去用，逃命去吧!”
“Hey, it’s cool, Father. There’re still two parachutes left. The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack.”
“嘿，神父，真是太棒了!我們還有兩個降落傘。那個自稱世界上最聰明的人背了我的揹包跳出去了。”
篇二
Wow! That’s a Big one! 哇!那個真是大得嚇人
One day a tourist walked into a Texas tavern and ordered a shot of whiskey. The bartender put a big tumbler full of whiskey in front of him.
酒某一天一位觀光客走進一家德州酒店點了一杯威士忌，酒保竟給他一大杯的酒。
“What’s this?” asked the tourist.
“這是什麼呢?”觀光客問道。
“Why, it’s a shot of whiskey! Don’t you know that everything is big i Texas?”
“怎麼了，那是你點的酒，難道你不知道德州每樣東西都大得嚇人。”
Then, an armadillo ran past the door.
那時剛好有一隻穿山甲跑過酒店門口。
“What was that?” asked the tourist.
“那是什麼東西?”觀光客又問。
“Why, that was a Texas cockroach.”
“哦，那是隻德州蟑螂!”
By this time, the whiskey had gone to the tourist’s bladder as well as his head, and he asked the location of the bathroom. The bartender directed him to go down the hall and to the right, but the tourist turned left instead and fell into the swimming pool.
喝了酒，觀光客感到腹脹頭昏，他問哪裡有洗手間，酒保告訴他下樓後右轉，但觀光客卻向左轉，跌落在酒店的游泳池中。
The bartender heard the splash and went to investigate. As he put his head in the door, he heard the tourist cry,“Don’t flush the toilet!”
酒保聽到水聲跑出去看個究竟，剛把頭伸進門就聽到觀光客大 “不要按動馬桶沖水喲!”
篇三
No Fooling! 不要瞎混!
“Please be gentle with me , darling,” said the bride on her wedding night, “I’m a virgin.”
“請對我溫柔一些，親愛的!”新婚之夜新娘對新郎說道“。我是個處女。”
“You’re a virgin?” exclaimed her husband with surprise. “But you’ve been married three times.”
“你是個處女?”她丈夫吃驚地叫道“，可是你已經結過三次婚了啊。”
“That’s true, dear; but my first husband was an artist and he just wanted to look at my body; my second husband was in advertising, and he would only tell me how great it was going to be; and my third husband was a lawyer, and would always say, ‘I‘ll get back to you next week.’”
“沒錯，親愛的，可是我的第一任丈夫是位藝術家，他只想看我的身體。我的第二任丈夫從事廣告業，而他只是告訴我那件事會有多美好。我的第三任丈夫是位律師，他總是說： 下星期我就回來看你。”