經典英語爆笑笑話

　　下面是小編整理的，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　：Senior Class

　　During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.

　　When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!"

　　年長者階層

　　醫生按期來探視我的老母。我告訴他母親不幾天就要慶祝她98歲的生日了。醫生聽了也很高興，為此，他彎下腰來親了她一下。然後他說不幾天他也要慶祝自己的生日，並要求她還他一個吻。

　　醫生走後，我母親厭惡地搖搖頭。“你能想象嗎，”她說，“付了他70元，我還得親他!”

　　：Don't be selfish

　　A mother is admonishing her son.

　　Now, John, don't be selfish. Let your little brother share the bicycle with you.

　　But Mother, I do. I ride it down the hill, and he rides it up the hill.

　　別太自私

　　一位母親在勸告她的兒子。

　　"聽著，約翰，別太自私，讓你的弟弟和你共用一輛自行車。" "媽媽，我是讓他。我先騎下坡，他再騎上坡。"

　　：Where is the father?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　父親在哪兒?

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

　　“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

　　哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”

　　：Visual Training

　　The squad were having “visual training”. One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field.The party was so faraway that the men appeared as mere dots， but unhesitatinglythe recruit replied：

　　“Sixteen men and a sergeant，sir.”

　　“Right;but how do you know there's a sergeant there?”

　　“He's not doing any digging， sir.”

　　視力訓練

　　班裡正在進行“視力訓練”。一個聰明伶俐的新兵被班長叫出來數遠處曠野上採掘隊的人數。採掘隊在很遠的地方，那些人看起來只是一些小點兒。但是這個新兵毫不猶豫地回答。

　　“十六個兵外加一箇中士，長官。”

　　“正確，可是你怎麼知道那兒有一箇中士?”

　　“他不幹活，長官。”

　　：Isn’t it wonderful?

　　"What are you so happy about?"a woman asked the 98-year-old man.

　　"I broke a mirror," he replied.

　　"But that means seven years of bad luck."

　　"I know." he said, beaming,"Isn’t it wonderful?"

　　這難道不好嗎?

　　“你高興什麼?”一個女士問一個98歲的老人。

　　“我打碎了一個鏡子。”他回答。

　　“但那預示著7年的壞運氣。”

　　“我知道。”他高興地說，“這難道不好嗎?”

　　：Whats time to a pig?

　　One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

　　一天，有一個城市裡的遊客來到一個小鄉村，在鄉間路上開著車，想看看農莊是什麼樣子，也想看看農夫怎樣種田過日子。這位城裡人看見一位農夫在宅後的草地 上，手中抱著一頭豬，並把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城裡人對農夫說，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費時間嗎?"那位農夫 回答說，“時間對豬有什麼意義?”

　　：我和老師的故事

　　Teacher: Tom and John! Why are you late for school today?

　　老師：湯姆!約翰!你倆今天為什麼遲到了!

　　Tom: Madam, I lost a one-dollar coin and was searching for it.

　　湯姆：老師，我一直在找我丟失的一美元硬幣。

　　Teachear: John, what about you?

　　老師：那麼你呢，約翰?

　　John: Madam, I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.

　　約翰：老師，我不能動啊，我把他的硬幣藏腳底下了。