超級搞笑的英語小笑話
冷笑話是近年來頗為流行的一種語言現象,主要以機智、幽默著稱。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!
篇一
Don’t Get Caught! 不要被逮著了!
Out in the forest preserve, a man strolled up to the fisherman and asked whether he’d had any luck.
在森林保護區內，有個人走向一位正在釣魚的老兄並問他有沒有收穫。
“No, nothing today, but you should have seen me yesterday. I caught fourteen bass in the morning and another twelve in the afternoon.”
“今天什麼也沒有，不過你應該昨天來見我才是。昨天早上我釣了十四尾鱸魚，下午釣了十二尾呢!”
“Well, that’s very interesting. Do you know who I am?”
“哦，那相當不錯嘛，你知道我是誰嗎?”
“No.”
“不知道。”
“I happen to be the game warden.”
“我恰巧就是監視狩獵的管理員。”
“Oh. And do you know who I am? I’m the biggest liar you ever laid eyes on.”
“哦，那你又知道我是誰嗎?我是你所發現最會說謊話的人。”
篇二
Sounds Fair 聽起來還算公平
A woman was reporting to her husband about the events of the day.
一位女士正滔滔不絕地向她先生訴說當天發生的事。
“Oh, and I had a big fight with the electric company.”
“哦，另外我也和電力公司大吵了一架!”
“Really? Who won?”
“真的嗎?後來誰贏了?”
“Nobody, it was a tie. They don’t get any money and we don’t get any electricity.”
“沒有人贏，算扯平吧。他們沒拿到一毛錢，而我們也沒有電可用。”
篇三
Learning to Share 學習共同分享
Johnny divided a piece of pie into two pieces, kept the bigger piece for himself and gave the smaller piece to his sister.
強尼把塊派一分為二，把大的留給自己，小的給他妹妹。
“Hey,” said his sister, “if I’d divided the pie, I would have kept the smaller piece for myself.”
“嘿，如果是我來分那塊派，我會把小的留給我自己，”妹妹說道。
“Well, that’s what you got, so what are you complaining about?”
“你不是分到小塊的嗎，還抱怨什麼呢?”
篇四
Aren’t Kids Wonderful? 小孩子實在了不起!
Mother got on the train with Little Johnny and Little Ronny.
媽媽和小強尼、小羅尼一起搭乘火車。
Little Johnny was full of questions, as usual: “What’s an emergency brake, Mommy?” “Why did that policeman ask to see our tickets?” “Why can’t I lean out the window?” etc.
小強尼一如往常問東問西“，媽咪，什麼是緊急煞車?“”為什麼那位警察叔叔要看我們的車票?“”為什麼身體不能伸出窗外?”等等諸如此類問題。
His mother was becoming ever more exasperated.
媽媽實在忍不住要發脾氣了。
Finally, Little Johnny asked, “What was that last station we stopped at, Mommy?”
最後小強尼又問“：媽咪，剛剛火車停靠的是哪一站?”
“I don’t know, Johnny, and will you please stop pestering me? I’m trying to read.”
“我不知道，強尼，你可不可以不要煩我，我正在看書呢!”
A few minutes of silence passed. Then Johnny said, “It’s too bad you don’t know what station that was,’ cause that’s where Little Ronny got off.”
一陣安靜後，強尼說“：真糟糕，你竟然不知道羅尼下車的那個車站。”
篇五
A Lesson in Philosophy 哲學課一則
Why worry?
何必憂慮呢?
Really, you have only two things to worry about—either you are sick or you are well.
真的，你只有兩件事要擔心，你不是會生病就是身體健康。
If you are well, you have nothing to worry about, and if you are sick, you have only two things to worry about—either you get well or you die.
如果你身體健康，那麼就沒什麼好擔心的。如果生病的話，只要擔憂兩件事，你不是康復就是死亡。
If you get well, you have nothing to worry about, and if yo die, you have only two things to worry about—either you go to heaven or you go to hell. If you go to heaven, you have nothing to worry about, and if you go to hell... You’ll be so busy shaking hands with old friends, you won’t have time to worry!
如果你康復的話，什麼也不必擔心。如果不幸死亡的話，你只要擔心兩件事，你不是上天堂就是下地獄。
如果上天堂，什麼也不需要你擔憂。要是下地獄的話，你會忙著和老朋友握手寒暄，連擔憂事情的時間都沒有!