英語幽默笑話集錦及翻譯

　　上世紀90年代,隨著蘇聯解體,社會緊張氣氛的緩解,各種笑話集如雨後春筍般冒出,受到俄國草根民眾熱捧。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!

　　精選

　　婚姻就是這麼一回事

　　This is marriage all about

　　My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office for our marriage license. After recording the vital information — names, dates of birth, etc. — the clerk handed me our license and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."

　　婚姻就是這麼一回事

　　我和未婚妻在縣辦公室領結婚證。在記錄完重要資訊——名字，出生日期，等後——辦事員遞給我結婚證，臉無表情地說，“不退錢，不包換，不保修。”

　　閱讀

　　承諾的結果 The consequences

　　Father: I promised to buy you a car if you passed your examination, and you have failed. Whatwere you doing last term?

　　父親：我曾向你許諾，如果你考試及格就給你買倆小汽車，可你卻未能做到。你上學期一直在幹什麼呀?

　　Son: I was learning to drive a car.

　　兒子：我在學開汽車。

　　學習

　　什麼都有,你要買什麼?

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma'am, we haven't had any for a while, and itdoesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.

　　一個商店經理聽見一個店員對顧客說：不，夫人，這會兒沒有，一時半會兒看來也不會有。

　　Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer and said, Of course, we'll havesomesoon, we placed an order last week.

　　經理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：當然，馬上就會有的。我們上週訂了貨。

　　Then the manager drew the clerk aside: Never, never, never say we are out of anything saywe've got it on order and it's coming.Now what was it she wanted?

　　然後經理把店員拉到一邊：千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什麼，說我們已經訂了貨，貨馬上就到。現在你說她要買什麼?

　　Rain, said the clerk.

　　雨，店員說。

　　欣賞

　　錯獻殷勤 Not Funny

　　At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to hishostess.

　　在一次晚餐聚會上，一位靦腆的年輕人一直在冥思苦想對女主人說一些好聽的話。

　　At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite youhave tonight, Mr. Jones."

　　機會終於來了，女主人轉向他說：“瓊斯先生，您今晚的飯量太小了。”

　　"To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."

　　“坐在您身邊，”他殷勤的說道，“任何男人都會失去胃口的。”

　　品味

　　言出必行 A Man of Actions

　　A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University.“You can have nodoubt,”shouted a young man excitedly,“that if the Dean does not take back what he said to methis morning, I'll leave Oxford this very evening!”

　　一群學生聚在牛津的校園裡，一個年輕人情緒激動地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果系主任不收回他今早對我說的話，我今晚就離開牛津。”

　　A buzzing noise followed.“What a man of actions!”one said in admiration.“How should wesupport him and learn from him!”said another.

　　下面一片喧譁。“真是個言出必行的人。”一個人豔羨地說。另一個說：“我們要支援他、學習他。”

　　Suddenly, a girl asked,“What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”

　　突然，一個女孩問道：“系主任對你說什麼了，霍波?”

　　He bent and whispered to her,“Well,er...er...Miss Rose, er...he told me to get clean away fromOxford this very evening!”

　　他彎下腰小聲說：“哦，呃…呃…，羅斯小姐，呃…他說要我今晚從牛津滾出去。”

　　摘抄

　　The Doctor Knows Better

　　醫生懂得多

　　A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standingup by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

　　一個男人在街上被計程車撞倒送進了醫院。他的妻子站在他的床前對醫生說：“我想他傷得很厲害。”

　　"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

　　醫生說：“恐怕他已經死了。”

　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

　　聽到醫生的話，這個男人轉動著頭說：“我沒死，我還活著。”

　　"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

　　妻子說：“安靜，醫生比你懂得多。”

　　賞析

　　Reached Shore Fast

　　快速靠岸

　　A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"

　　在休倫湖釣完魚後，我的一個朋友開車拖著他的船回家。路上車壞了。他沒帶手機，不過，他想，也許他可以通過海事無線廣播來請求公路援助。於是，他爬到他的船裡面，啟動了無線裝置，喊道，“求救，求救”。一名海岸護衛隊警官作出了迴應，“報告你的位置”。“I-75號公路，Standish的南面兩英里”。沉默了好一會之後，警官問我的朋友，“你的船靠岸時開得有多快?”