開心一刻英語幽默笑話

　　人們對笑話的熱衷與喜愛也促使人們在開懷捧腹的同時對笑話為何能夠使人發笑這一問題進行思考。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!

　　精選

　　An Exact Number

　　A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.

　　"How old are these bones?" the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.

　　"Exactly one hundred million and three years old.

　　"How can you be so sure?" inquired the tourist.

　　"Well," replied the guide, " a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.

　　Notes:

　　***1*** New Mexico 新墨西哥***美國州名***

　　***2*** be amazed at 對…感到驚詫

　　***3*** dinosaur n.恐龍***已絕跡的巨大爬行動物***

　　Exercises:

　　根據短文判斷下列句子正***T***、***F***：

　　① The tourist was frightened by the dinosaur bones lying about.

　　② The elderly native American served as a guide.

　　③ The guide knew exactly how old the bones were.

　　④ The guide told the tourist the history of the bones.

　　⑤ The guide believed what the geologist had said.

　　準確數字

　　一位遊客在新墨西哥遊覽。他對隨處可見的恐龍化石甚感驚奇。

　　“這些化石有多長的歷史?”遊客問一個上了年紀的當地美國人。他是作嚮導的。

　　“整整十億零三年了。”

　　“你怎麼這麼肯定?”遊客問道。

　　“哦，”嚮導回答道，“一個地質學家來過這兒，他告訴我說這些化石有十億年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。”

　　練習參考答案：

　　①F②T③F④F⑤T

　　閱讀

　　Violin Lessons

　　"Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?" young Sarah asked her father. She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased.

　　"You cost me a lot of money, Sarah," he said. "First you wanted to learn horse riding, then dancing, then swimming. Now it's the violin.

　　"I'll play every day ,Daddy." Sarah said. "I'll try very hard.

　　"All right," her father said. "This is what I'll do. I'll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks. At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well, you can have more lessons. If you play badly, I will stop the lessons."

　　"0. K. Daddy," Sarah said. "That is fair.

　　He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. The teacher was very expensive, but her father kept his promise.

　　The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father.

　　She went to the living room and said, "I'm ready to play for you, Daddy.

　　"Fine, Sarah," her father said. "Begin.

　　She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise.

　　Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears.

　　When Sarah finished, her father said, "Well done, Sarah. You can have more lessons."

　　Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her father's friend turned to him. "You've spent a lot of money, but she still plays very badly. he said.

　　"Well, that's true," her father said. "But since she started learning the violin I've been able to buy five apartments in this build very cheaply. In another six weeks I'll own the whole building!"

　　Notes:

　　***1*** fair adj.公平的 ***2*** keep one's promise信守諾言

　　Exercises:

　　根據短文選擇正確答案：

　　① Sarah's father was not pleased with her because_____ .

　　A. she wanted to team the violin

　　B. she was rude

　　C. she was always asking for things

　　D. she was noisy

　　② Sarah's father said he would pay for violin lessons for _____.

　　A. two weeks

　　B. six weeks

　　C. a month

　　D. six months

　　③ Sarah played the violin_____ .

　　A. very well

　　B. very badly indeed

　　C. badly

　　D. well

　　④ Her father gave her more lessons because_____ .

　　A. she played well enough

　　B. she was so interested in playing the violin

　　C. he could buy more apartments cheaply because of Sarah's noise

　　D. he liked the violin

　　***5*** From this passage we can see that _____.

　　A. Sarah had a talent for music

　　B. Sarah's father was very generous with money

　　C. Sarah's father was a selfish man

　　D. Sarah's father told her the truth

　　小提琴課

　　“爸爸，我能學拉小提琴嗎?”小莎拉問她的父親。她總是要東西，因此她爸爸很不高興。

　　“你花了我很多錢，莎拉，”他說，“開始你想學騎馬，然後想學跳舞，然後是游泳。現在又想學拉小提琴。”

　　“我會每天都拉的，爸爸，”莎拉說，“我會認真練的。”

　　“好吧，”她爸爸說。“下面是我要做的：我會為你付六個星期的小提琴課的錢，六個星期後你必須拉首曲子給我聽。如果你拉得很好，你可以繼續上小提琴課，要是你拉得很差，你就不要再學了。”

　　“行。爸爸，”莎拉說，“這很公平。”

　　他很快就找到了一個好的小提琴老師，莎拉就開始學拉提琴了。儘管學費很高，但她爸爸遵守了諾言。

　　六個星期很快就過去了。該莎拉拉提琴給爸爸聽了。

　　她走進起居室說：“我準備好拉提琴給你聽了。”

　　“好哇，莎拉，”她爸爸說。“開始吧。”

　　她開始拉了。她拉得很差，發出了可怕的嗓音。她爸爸身旁有位朋友，朋友用手捂著耳朵。

　　莎拉拉完一曲，她父親說：“拉得好，莎拉。你可以繼續學琴了。”

　　莎拉高興地跑出門去。她父親的朋友對他說：“你已經花了不少錢了，但她還是拉得很差。”

　　“噢，的確如此，”她爸爸說，“但自從她開始學小提琴，我就可以很便宜地買下這幢樓的五個公寓。再過六週，我就可以擁有整幢樓啦!”

　　練習參考答案：

　　①C②B③B④C⑤C

　　學習

　　Which Month Did He Go Away

　　When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, "When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.

　　The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, "Which month did he go away?"

　　Notes:

　　***1*** he has had his bead nod 他點

　　***2*** blame sb.for sth.為某事責點頭備某人

　　Exercises:

　　根據短文填空：

　　① When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it_____ tightening speed.

　　② You shouldn't wait any longer after he has _____his head nod.

　　③ So he was blamed _____no manners.

　　④ Then you can lift your body _____Thus the ceremony will be perfect.

　　⑤ When Jack looked up, he found his uncle _____.

　　幾月走的

　　傑克給人鞠躬，飛快地一點頭，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂禮貌。於是便有好心的人教他說，“下次鞠躬的時候，你就在心裡數：正月、二月、……一直數到十二月為止，然後再直起身來。這樣，禮節就周全了。”