關於小學簡短英語笑話

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　　：What Is A Million Years?

　　A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God.

　　"God? You there, God?" he asked

　　"Yes. What is it, my son?" God answered.

　　"Mind if I ask a few questions?" the man asked.

　　"Go ahead, my son, anything."

　　"God, what is a million years to you?"

　　God answered, "A million years to me is only a second."

　　The man asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"

　　God replied, "A million dollars to me is worth only a penny."

　　The man lifted his eyebrows and asked his final question.

　　"God, can I have a penny?"

　　God answered, "Sure, give me a second."

　　：A test for monks

　　The head of the monastery wanted to check how strong his priests are in resisting temptetion.

　　He called 3 of them to his room, and ordered them to put a small bell on their penis.

　　After that, he went to the first guy, and showed him a picture of a gorgeous naked girl.

　　"Gling Gling", went the bell, and the head of the monastary was furious: "you call yourself a monk? you are as weak as a baby!".

　　He went then to the second guy, and showed him a cover of a dirty porn movie.

　　"Gling Gling", went the bell.

　　"you are a disgrace! get out of my sight!".

　　Almost in complete dispair, he went to the thirs guy and showed him a cover of a porn-magazine. There was silent.

　　"Way to go, son, you are the only man here worth to be call a monk", the head of the monastery said, while putting his hand on him.

　　"Gling Gling", went the bell.

　　：Religious Bear

　　In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.

　　The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"

　　The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.

　　Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."

　　：Trial of the Nuns

　　When Nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.

　　Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.

　　"And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"

　　"Well," says the first Nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger."

　　"OK" says St. Peter, "Dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven."

　　The next Nun admits that "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort ofmassaged one a bit."

　　"OK" says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven."

　　Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.

　　"Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter.

　　"Well, your excellency," says the Nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it."