英語小幽默故事

　　下面是小編整理的，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　：馬克·吐溫

　　On one occasion when Mark Twain arrived in London from New York，the Star thought the fact worth recording onits evening placard.But there was another piece of news to bementioned：it was about the Ascot Cup being stolen.Theplacard thus ran： MARK TWAIN ARRIVES. ASCOT CUP STOLEN. Mark Twain，we believe，never heard the last of it.

　　有一次，馬克·吐溫從紐約起程抵達倫敦訪問，《星報》認為這個訊息值得登在它的晚招貼上。但是，還有一條訊息也要登上：關於愛斯科杯被盜的訊息。招貼是這樣寫的： 馬克·吐溫 光臨 愛斯科杯 被盜 我們相信，馬克·吐溫從來也沒聽說過這件事。

　　：怕老婆的丈夫

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely. Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right. “It's good to see，”said the king，“that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.” “Your Majesty，”came the reply in a squealing voice，“it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.”

　　古代有一個國王，他想證明他領土內的男人並非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國裡所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴厲的懲罰。然後，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側。所有的男人都站到了左側，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側。國王說：“看到我們國家裡還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什麼在他們當中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側。” “陛下，”那人尖聲地回答：“因為在我出門之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。”

　　：睡前禱告詞

　　Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

　　Her mother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"

　　And Julie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"

　　朱莉葉在做睡前禱告。“禱告上帝，”她說，“讓那不勒斯成為義大利的首都吧。讓那不勒斯成為義大利的首都吧。”

　　媽媽打斷她說：“朱莉葉，你為什麼求上帝讓那不勒斯成為義大利的首都呢?”

　　朱莉葉回答說：“因為我在地理考卷上是這麼寫的。”

　　：幾月走的

　　When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, "When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.

　　The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, "Which month did he go away?"

　　傑克給人鞠躬，飛快地一點頭，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂禮貌。於是便有好心的人教他說，“下次鞠躬的時候，你就在心裡數：正月、二月、……一直數到十二月為止，然後再直起身來。這樣，禮節就周全了。”

　　第二天，傑克見到他的叔叔，他便如法炮製。這躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一驚，趕緊逃開了。傑克抬頭一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便問過路人：“我叔叔幾月走的?”

　　：the important of a second language

　　A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.

　　Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."

　　一天，一隻貓媽媽領著4只小貓在路上走，卻遇到了一隻大狗。小貓們嚇的蜷縮成了一團，這時貓媽媽吼出了一連串的汪汪聲，大狗被嚇跑了。貓媽媽轉過身來對幾個小貓說，“孩子們，看看掌握一門外語是多麼的重要呀!”

　　：Easy or Not

　　Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".

　　"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"

　　一位婦女把車沿著我們銀行的驅車直達視窗開過來，可她並不滿意於她停的位置。因此她倒車，靠得更近點。還是不滿意，倒車，再來。五次努力後，終於她把車停下來，搖下車窗。我簡單地問候她一聲“早上好”。

　　“早上好，”她愉快地回答說，“以後我都要使用這種驅車直達視窗。真是如此的方便。”

　　：假如我是一個經理

　　One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.

　　一天課上，老師要同學們以如果我是一個經理為題寫一篇作文。所有的學生都在動筆寫了，只有一個男生例外。老師走過去問他為什麼不寫。我在等我的祕書。那孩子答道。

　　：A Life for a Life***以“命”抵命***

　　The English author，Richard Savage，was once living in London in great poverty.In order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life，but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops，and Savage was living from hand tomouth.As a result of his lack of food he became very ill，butafter a time，owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him，he got well again.After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits， but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay it.The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again. But still no money came. Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money.Inthe end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment，saying to Savage，“You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.” “I agree，” said Savage，“that I owe my life to you， and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you.”With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled，The life of Richard Savage.

　　英國作家理查德·薩維奇一度在倫敦過著貧困潦倒的生活，為了賺幾個錢，他曾寫了有關他自己生平的故事。但是這部書在書店裡並沒有賣出幾本，薩維奇過著朝不保夕的日子。由於缺乏食物，他病得很厲害。後來，由於給他治療的那個醫生的高明醫術，他才又恢復了健康。過了一兩個星期之後，醫生給薩維奇送來了一張討要診費的帳單，但是貧窮的薩維奇沒有錢來償付。醫生等了一個月後又送來了帳單，但仍然未索回分文。幾個星期之後，他又送來帳單要錢。最後，醫生本人來到了薩維奇的家中，對他說：“你明白，你是欠我一條命的，我希望你有所報答。” “是的，”薩維奇說，“我是欠你一條命，為了向你證明我對你的診治不是不報答，我將把我的命給你。” 說著這番話，薩維奇遞給醫生兩卷書，名叫《理查德·薩維奇的一生》。