兩分鐘好笑的英語笑話

　　英語笑話幽默話語分析的理論不斷推陳出新,但是對於把英語作為外語學習的中國讀者而言,文化因素在解讀幽默的過程中扮演著更加重要的角色。小編分享，希望可以幫助大家!

　　：How's Your Hearing!!!

　　Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Bubba gets in line.

　　When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?"

　　Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

　　So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while.

　　After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?"

　　Bubba says, "I don't know preacher, it's not until next Wednesday in Dallas."

　　：Three pastors 三個牧師的故事

　　Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

　　Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated, and they still won’t go away.

　　The third said, I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!

　　三個牧師的故事

　　三個南部的牧師在一家小餐館裡吃午飯。其中的一個說道：“你們知道嗎，自從夏天來臨，我的教堂的閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧、貓----似乎什麼都不能把它們趕走。”

　　另外一位說：“是啊，我也是。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經請人把整個地方用煙燻消毒一遍，它們還是趕不走。”

　　第三個牧師說：“我為我那裡的所有蝙蝠洗禮，讓它們成為教會的一員......從此一隻也沒有再回來過。”

　　：Happiness

　　"I am in desperate need of help -- or I'll go crazy. We're living in a single room -- my wife, my children and my in-laws. So our nerves are on edge, we yell and scream at one another. The room is a hell."

　　"Do you promise to do whatever I tell you?" said the Master gravely.

　　"I swear I shall do anything."

　　"Very well. How many animals do you have?"

　　"A cow, a goat and six chickens."

　　"Take them all into the room with you. Then come back after a week."

　　The disciple***門徒，信徒*** was appalled***驚駭的*** . But he had promised to obey! So he took the animals in. A week later he came back, a pitiable***可憐的*** figure, moaning***呻吟*** , "I'm a nervous wreck. The dirt! The stench***惡臭*** ! The noise! We're all on the verge of madness!"

　　"Go back," said the Master, "and put the animals out."

　　The man ran all the way home. And came back the following day, his eyes sparkling with joy. "How sweet life is! The animals are out. The home is a Paradise, so quiet and clean and roomy!

　　：Humor Impaired Preacher

　　A preacher, who was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors***牧師*** for their ministry.

　　Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers***電動揚聲器*** . One such boldly approached the pulpit***講道臺*** and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!"

　　The crowd was shocked!

　　He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.

　　The next week, our pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon***佈道，訓誡*** . As he approached the pulpit that Sunday, he tried to rehearse***排練*** the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.

　　Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that was not my wife!"

　　The congregation***集會，聖會*** inhaled in surprise. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned***受驚的*** silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"