關於笑死人的英語笑話閱讀

　　笑話作為一種城市化的民間口頭創作體裁,是一種重要的交際手段。在社會文化中,笑話一直都具有無法替代的特殊意義。小編精心收集了關於笑死人的英語笑話，供大家欣賞學習!

　　關於笑死人的英語笑話：The Woman Is On Fire

　　A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.

　　But it also lit up her arm, too!

　　Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

　　A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

　　When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."

　　關於笑死人的英語笑話：A Drunken Night

　　A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor, opening his eyes he sees Claudia Schiffer on the bed next to him. He thinks this is a little odd, as he doesn't remember a thing, let alone going to bed with her.

　　He decides to get up and get himself a drink from the fridge. He gets to the fridge and opens the door and is faced with a large suitcase. He takes the suitcase out of the fridge, puts it on the table and opens it to find $1 Million.

　　This is just a little too much for the guy who thinks he is losing his mind. He wonders if he is hallucinating, so he goes to the window and draws back the blind. Outside on his front lawn is the Klu Klux Klan and dangling from the tree is an open noose, empty. They appear to be beckoning him and shouting.

　　Now the guy is really freaked out, he quickly draws the blind and turns around.

　　In the corner of his kitchen is a leprechaun, obviously drunk as well.

　　He asks the leprechaun what is going on.

　　"Well," says the leprechaun, "I was drunk last night as well, and as I was crossing the road, I was nearly run down. You ran across the road and pushed me to safety, so I granted you three wishes in return for saving me."

　　"Well, I can guess the first one" says the guy, "Supermodel, bed, yeah I got that one. What about the other two?"

　　"The money in the fridge?" says the leprechaun, "You asked for a cool million."

　　"And them out there?" asks the guy,

　　"You said you wanted to be hung like a black man."

　　關於笑死人的英語笑話：Who Gets The Dog?

　　A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

　　The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

　　One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

　　Of course, the Reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

　　There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the Reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

　　關於笑死人的英語笑話：Borrow The Truck

　　A white girl came up to her dad who was sitting in a beaten up armchair. "Pa, kin ah borrow the truck to-nahgt?" she asked. Her dad looked up to her and said, "Darlin', yewknow what yew haf t'do if'n yew wants to borrer th' truck." "But Pa! Ah haf t'go naow!" the white girl cried. Her daddy stood up and unzipped his pants. "Yew know perfectly well what yew haf t'do. On yer knees, bitch!" The white girl complied and started sucking her dad's cock. After a few seconds she stopped in disgust and looked up to her dad. "GeePa, yore dick shore tastes like shit!" Her dad slapped his forhead and said, "Dammit, Ah forgot! Ah already loaned the truck to yer brother just a few minutes ago!"

　　關於笑死人的英語笑話：Things Were Tougher Then

　　There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down. "How did you get on tonight Dear?" asked her mother.

　　"Not too good," replied the daughter. "I only got $20 for a blow job."

　　"Wow!" said the mother, "In my day we gave a blow job for 50 cents!"

　　"Good God!" said the Grandmother. "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"