最短的最簡單的英語笑話
冷笑話是近幾年才出現的新興語言現象，它以網路為主要的傳播方式。它是幽默的一種特殊的表現形式，主要流傳於網頁，微博，貼吧等。小編精心收集了，供大家欣賞學習!
篇一
很高興認識你
During World War Two, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
第二次世界大戰期間，英國的許多青年婦女在軍中服役。瓊·菲利普斯就是其中的一個。她在一個大軍營裡工作，自然結識了許多男人，既有軍官，又有士兵。
One evening she met Captain Humphrey at a dance. He said to her, "I' m going abroad tomorrow, but I'd be very happy if we could write to each other.” Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
一天晚上，她在舞會上認識了漢弗萊茲上尉。他對她說:“明天我將出國，如果我們能相互通訊，我將非常高興。”瓊同意了。他們書信來往，數月不斷。
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
後來他的來信中斷了，但她收到另一位軍官的來信，信中告訴她漢弗萊茲受了傷，現住在英國某陸軍醫院裡。
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I've come to visit captain Humphrey.”
瓊找到那家醫院，對護士長說:“我來探望漢弗萊茲上尉。”
Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
“這裡只允許親屬探望病人。”護士長說。
“Oh, that' s all right，”answered Joan." I'm his sister.”
“哦，那好吧，”瓊回答說:“我是他妹妹。”
"I’m very pleased to meet you ,”the matron said，"I' m his mother!”
“很高興認識你，”護士長說:“我是他的母親。”
篇二
Hi, dad? Where's mom?
爸，我媽呢?
She's in the chat room talking to someone.
你媽正和一長舌婦在聊天八卦呢!
Really? Mom's on the internet?
啥?老媽這麼潮，都學會上網了啊?
What internet? They're in the kitchen. You know your mom. Any room she's in is a chat room.
上網?撈魚麼?你媽在廚房呢，你知道你媽有個本事就是她在哪兒呆著，哪兒就自動變成聊天室了。
篇三
律師諮詢費
A lawyer' s dog, running about unleashed，beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?" The lawyer answers，"Absolutely.”
一位律師的狗被放出來後，直接來到一了肉店偷了一大塊烤肉。之後，肉店老闆來到那位律師那裡問:“如果一個沒有被拴住的狗從我的肉店裡偷了一大塊烤肉的話，我有沒有權利要那隻狗的主人賠我的肉錢?”那個律師回答說:“當然可以。”
“Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”
“這麼說你欠我八點五美元。今天是你的狗被放出來後到我的店裡偷的烤肉。”
The lawyer, without a word，writes the butcher a check for $8. 50.
那位律師一句話沒說，給那個肉店老闆開了一張八點五美元的支票。
Several periods of time later the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.
過了一陣子。肉店老闆開啟他的郵箱看到一封信，是那位律師寄來的，上面寫著:請付一二十美元律師諮詢費。
篇四
麻煩的孩子
"Daddy 、may I go out?" Asked Basil.
巴茲爾問他的父親:“爸爸，我能出去玩嗎，”
"No, it’s raining,”answered daddy."You would catch cold."
“不行，外面現在下雨呢，你出去會著涼的‘’他的父親答道。
"But daddy，I want to go out in the rain.”
“可是，爸爸，我想出去淋雨。”
"Here is a hook I’ve bought you，” replied the worried father hastily. "Now sit still and read it.” basil took the book obediently. But after the first sentence he asked again:
著急的父親趕忙說:“這是我給你買的一本書，你現在乖乖的坐下來看書吧。”
"Daddy，it says here: a man is known by the company he keeps. Is that true? Because if a good man keeps company with a bad man，is the good man bad because he keeps company with the bad man，or is the had man good because he keeps company with the good man，or do they each change，and if the. . .”
巴茲爾順從地拿著書，可剛剛看了一句話就又開口問了起來:“爸爸，書裡面說:看一個人所結交的朋友可以看出這個人的為人。這是真的嗎?那麼，如果一個好人和一個壞人接觸，這個好人會不會也變成了壞人呢;或者因為壞人結交了好人從而也變成好人呢;或者他們兩個人都變了，好人變成了壞人，壞人反而變成了好人。還有，如果……”
"Basil,” said his father, "you may go out in the rain.”
“巴茲爾，”父親說，“你現在可以出去淋雨了。”