幽默英文冷笑話

　　從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調劑品”。笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調劑作用。下面小編為大家帶來，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　1：

　　Joe and Fred were helping to build a house in a village. The weather was very warm, there was a lot of dust everywhere, and by half past twelve, they were very thirsty, so they stopped work to have their lunch. They found the nearest small bar, went in and sat down with their sandwiches.

　　Good afternoon, gentlemen. What can I get you? The man behind the bar asked.

　　Joe looked at Fred and said, Beer, I think. Yes, a pint of beer each. Is that all right for you, Fred?

　　Yes, that's all right. Fred said. Then he turned to the man behind the bar and said, And I want it in a clean glass! Don't forget that.

　　The man behind the bar filled the glasses and brought them to Joe and Fred. Then he said. Which of you asked for the clean glass?

　　喬和佛瑞德在一個村子裡幫忙蓋一間房子。天氣很暖和，到處都有許多灰塵。12點半的時候，他們覺得非常口渴，便停下來去吃午飯了。他們找到最近的一家酒吧，走進去坐下吃他們的三明治。

　　下午好，先生。你們想要點什麼?櫃檯後面的伺應問道。

　　喬看了看佛瑞德說：我想，啤酒吧。好，那就每人一品脫啤酒。這樣可以嗎，佛瑞德?

　　好的，可以。佛瑞德說。然後他轉過去跟櫃檯後面的侍應說：我要啤酒裝在一個乾淨的杯子裡!別忘了。

　　櫃檯後面的侍應倒滿杯子後，拿給喬和佛瑞德，接著說：剛才哪一位要乾淨的杯子的?

　　2：

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of hisdomain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely***嚴格地，嚴厲地***.

　　Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel***勸告，建議*** to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

　　It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell thesechickenhearted***膽小的*** dunces***傻瓜*** why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

　　Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

　　古代有一個國王，他想證明他領土內的男人並非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國裡所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴厲的懲罰。

　　然後，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側。所有的男人都站到了左側，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側。

　　國王說：看到我們國家裡還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什麼在他們當中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側。

　　陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因為在我出門之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。

　　3：

　　Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.

　　What is the meaning of this? the director asked. When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.

　　Well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.

　　一個年輕人在被僱用幾個星期後，被叫到人事經理的辦公室。

　　這是什麼意思?經理問，當你申請這份工作時，你告訴我們有五年工作經驗，現在我們發現這其實是你的第一份工作。

　　嗯，年輕人回答，你們的廣告上說需要找一個有想象力的人嘛。

　　4：

　　After his beloved horse died, a man wanted to place an ad in the newspaper like this: Horse saddle and bridle for $50.

　　Inadvertently***非故意地*** the paper added a comma to the ad, which read instead: Horse, saddle and bridle for $50.

　　Immediately someone responded to the ad, That's an awfully cheap price for a horse, said the caller, What's wrong with your horse?

　　Well, he is dead, replied the man who placed the erroneously***錯誤地*** typed ad.

　　一個人衷愛的馬死了，他打算在報上登則廣告如下：50元賣馬鞍和馬韁繩。

　　無意中報紙在廣告語中加了個逗號，讀起來成這樣了，50元賣馬，馬鞍和馬韁繩。

　　馬上就有人詢問這則廣告，這馬的價格真是太便宜了，詢問者說，馬有什麼毛病嗎?