關於超搞笑的英語笑話

　　笑話是一種用來逗笑取樂的文體。笑話,不僅能讓同學們在日常生活和學習中不時地會心一笑,還能從中學習到不少的英語知識。小編分享，希望可以幫助大家!

　　：The end of the world 世界末日

　　A jackal***豺，走狗*** who was going to be eaten by a lion. The jackal said to the lion: "No, please, you can't eat me! You can't eat me! This will be a great mistake. If you eat me, that'll be terrible, that will be a disaster, that will be the end of the world!" The lion was very puzzled and said: "How come? How come if I eat you, the world will end?" The jackal said:"Because if you eat me, that will be the end of the world for me!"

　　有隻狼快被獅子吃掉了。狼對獅子說：“求求你不要吃我!你不能吃我，這是一個天大的錯誤!如果你吃了我，那就慘了，會有災難、會世界末日!” 獅子滿臉疑惑地問：“為什麼把你吃掉就會世界末日?” 狼回答：“如果你吃了我，就是我的世界末日啊!”

　　：A thesis advisor 論文導師是誰

　　It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

　　Fox: "What are you working on?"

　　Rabbit: "My thesis."

　　Fox: "Hmmm. What's it about?"

　　Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

　　Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."

　　Rabbit: "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."

　　They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, the rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.

　　Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

　　Wolf: "What's that you're writing?"

　　Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."

　　Wolf: "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"

　　Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

　　The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

　　Inside the rabbit's burrow: In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.

　　It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject.

　　It doesn't matter what you use for data.

　　What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.

　　這是一個陽光燦爛的晴朗日子，森林裡一隻小兔子坐在洞穴外，在打字機上敲敲打打。這時一隻散步的狐狸走了過來。

　　狐狸：“你在做什麼呢?”

　　兔子：“寫我的論文。”

　　狐狸：“唔，是關於什麼的?”

　　兔子：“噢，我在寫兔子是怎樣吃掉狐狸的。”

　　狐狸：“你太搞笑了吧!誰都知道兔子不吃狐狸。”

　　兔子：“兔子當然吃，我能證明的。跟我來。”

　　它們一起消失在兔子的洞穴裡，幾分鐘後只有兔子獨自出來了。它回到打字機前繼續敲打。

　　很快，一隻狼走了過來，停下看著兔子奮力工作。

　　狼：“你在寫什麼呢?”

　　兔子：“我在寫論文，關於兔子如何吃掉狼。”

　　狼：“你不會指望這種垃圾論文被髮表吧!”

　　兔子：“能發表，你想知道為什麼嗎?”

　　兔子和狼一起進了洞穴，而兔子又一次獨自走了出來。幾分鐘後它繼續打字。

　　兔子洞穴裡：一個角落裡是一堆狐狸骨頭，另一角落裡是一堆狼骨頭。而另一側是一隻獅子，它邊打著飽嗝，邊剔著牙齒。

　　論文的題目選什麼無關緊要。

　　你用什麼作為例證資料也無關緊要。

　　真正重要的是：你的論文導師是誰!

　　：I was pushing you

　　One day a monkey who was very hungry met with a turtle creeping along the road. "My dear Slow Foot, can't you find anything to eat for me?" said the monkey. "O yes, Sly Head, I can," said the turtle. "Come this way, there is a banana-plant just over there."

　　Soon they came to the banana-plant bearing lot of ripe fruit. The monkey climbed the plant, but before he could pick some bananas, the turtle cried, "Run, Sly Head, run! Here comes a man!"Instantly he came down and ran in a hurry. But the turtle could not run, and she caught the monkey's tail in her mouth and the monkey pulled her away.

　　When they were safe, the monkey said, "Slow Foot, that man did not catch you because I pulled you away." "O no, Sly Head, no!" the turtle said, "you were not pulling me. I was pushing you."

　　：Two roaches 兩隻蟑螂

　　Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.

　　"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere -- it's so sanitary***衛生的*** that the whole place shines."

　　"Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

　　兩隻蟑螂正在一條小巷的垃圾堆上大吃著，其中的一隻談起了它在一家新開張的餐館裡的經歷。

　　“那時我在街對面的那家新餐館裡，”它說。“那裡太乾淨了!廚房沒有一點汙漬，地面閃著白光。任何地方都沒有垃圾。那裡是如此乾淨，整個地方都在發光。”

　　“請不要在我吃東西的時候說這個好嗎?”另一隻蟑螂不悅地說。