簡單幽默英語笑話精選

　　笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調劑作用。下面小編為大家帶來，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　1：

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!"

　　Jerry去看精神病醫生。“醫生，我有些不對勁。每次我上床睡覺的時候，我就覺得有人在我床底下。我都快瘋了!”

　　"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

　　“給我一年時間，”醫生說，“每週來三次，我會治好你。”

　　"How much do you charge?"

　　“怎麼收費呢?”

　　"A hundred dollars per visit."

　　“一次100美元。”

　　"I'll sleep on it," said Jerry.

　　“我會認真考慮的。”，Jerry 答道。

　　Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

　　六個月以後，醫生在大街上碰到Jerry。“你怎麼沒有再來呢?”精神病醫生問道。

　　"For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10."

　　“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個酒吧服務生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”

　　"Is that so! How?"

　　“真的?他怎麼做到的?”

　　"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!!!"

　　“他要我把床腳砍了!這樣不就沒有人在床下了嗎?”

　　2：

　　Wife: Dear, you looked quite drunk last night and you kept repeating the same thing at the table.

　　妻子：親愛的，你昨天晚上好像喝得很醉，在餐桌旁你不停地講同一句話。

　　Husband: Really? Then don't believe anything said by a drunken person. By the way, what did I say to you?

　　丈夫：真的嗎?不要相信醉漢所說的任何事情。順便問下，我說什麼了啊?

　　Wife: I love you, dear.

　　妻子：我愛你，親愛的。

　　3：

　　On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.

　　在一輛擁擠的公交車上，一名男子注意到另一名男子閉上了眼睛。

　　"What's the matter? Are you sick?"

　　“怎麼了?你不舒服?”

　　"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."

　　“不，我很好。只是我討厭看到有個老婦站在身旁。”

　　4：

　　A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?"

　　一名男子在健身房問他的教練：“我想給那個漂亮女孩留下深刻的印象，該使用什麼機器?”

　　The trainer replied: "Use the ATM outside the gym!!!"

　　教練答道：“用健身房外的取款機!!!”