小學生的英語笑話

　　下面是小編整理的，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　：Cry

　　"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

　　"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

　　"But has he finished his own cake?"

　　"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

　　“湯姆，你弟弟怎麼了?” 媽媽在廚房裡問。“他在哭。”

　　“沒事兒，媽媽，”湯姆答道。“我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因為我不給他吃。”

　　“他已經吃完自己的了麼?”

　　“是的。”“我幫他吃完時，他也哭了。”

　　：可憐的男人

　　A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

　　Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

　　The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

　　Bartender: "That should make you happy."

　　The man: "No, the month is up today!"

　　一個男人坐在酒吧裡，傷心至極。

　　酒吧招待：“你怎麼了?跟老婆鬧矛盾了?”

　　男人：“我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話。”

　　酒吧招待：“那你應該高興才是啊!”

　　男人：“不，今天是這個月的最後一天。”

　　：太黑了，看不見

　　After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."

　　晚飯後，父親和母親都忙著和客人玩麻將，這時母親忽然想起點兒事來，便對正在看電視的兒子說道：“寶貝，去看看廚房裡的燈是不是還開著呢?” 過了一會兒，兒子回來說：“媽，廚房裡太黑了，我根本就看不見。”

　　：One real man

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely***嚴格地，嚴厲地***.

　　Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel***勸告，建議*** to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

　　It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted***膽小的*** dunces***傻瓜*** why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

　　Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

　　一個真正的男子漢

　　古代有一個國王，他想證明他領土內的男人並非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國裡所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴厲的懲罰。

　　然後，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側。所有的男人都站到了左側，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側。

　　國王說：看到我們國家裡還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什麼在他們當中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側。

　　陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因為在我出門之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。

　　：萬能的聖誕老人並非啥都知道

　　As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

　　The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

　　一個女孩爬到聖誕老人的膝蓋上，聖誕老人例行公事的問：“今年聖誕節你想要什麼呢?”

　　孩子瞪大眼睛驚訝的望著聖誕老人一分鐘都沒講話，然後喘著氣說到：“你沒收到我的***嗎?***我想要什麼都寫上面了，萬能的聖誕老人咋能不知道捏***”

　　：Psychiatrist 精神病醫生

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!

　　傑瑞去看精神病醫生。“醫生，我有些不對勁。每次睡覺的時候，我都感覺有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時間，”醫生說，“每週來三次，我會治好你。”“費用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會認真考慮的。”傑瑞答道。六個月後醫生和傑瑞在街上相遇了，“為什麼你再也沒來呢?”醫生問。“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個酒吧服務生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎麼做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉。現在那沒人了!”

　　：兄弟倆的對話 Where is the father?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　父親在哪兒?

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

　　“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

　　哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”

　　：汽車配件 Automobile Fittings

　　A lorry driver makes inquiry of a mountaineer, "Excuse me, where can I buy the auto accessories***附件*** in the neighborhood?"

　　Mountaineer says, "Some people usually drive heroic car on the road. There is a abrupt turn***急轉彎*** ahead not far from here, and a clough***深谷*** just below it, where you can find all kinds of the auto accessories. You will spend no money at all."

　　一個卡車司機向一山民打聽：“請問，這附近哪兒能買到汽車配件?”

　　山民說：“這條路上經常有人開英雄車，前面不遠處是個急轉彎，急轉彎的下面就是深谷，那深谷裡什麼樣的汽車配件都有——根本用不著花錢。”

　　：拍賣會上 At Auction Fair

　　At auction spot, someone has lost a bag, in which has the vital document.

　　The owner says, "Once who picked it up brings it to me, I will take out 200 dollars to remunerate reward him or her."

　　On hearing the news, another chap***小夥子，傢伙*** shouts out:" I reward 300 dollars."

　　拍賣會上，有人的包丟了，裡面裝有重要檔案。物主說：“有誰揀到送還，我將拿出200美元以表酬謝。”

　　話剛出口，就聽有人喊：“我出300美元。”