九年級搞笑的英語笑話閱讀

　　人之所以異於禽獸,最明顯的一條就是愛看人出笑話,甚至連自己出的笑話也感興趣,收藏笑話書是大家共同的愛好,特別是相聲界和漫畫界的人。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!

　　篇一

　　有趣的假設

　　Not long after my sister's wedding，one of my father's colleagues and his wife dropped in to see Mom and Dad.The guests had not been invited to the wedding, so when

　　the woman said，”I'm sorry I didn't get over to the church the other day，”Mom assumed she meant the church's Good Cheer Club Tea and Bazaar.

　　我妹妹婚後不久，我父親的同事夫婦倆順便來看我父母。這兩個客人沒被邀請出席婚禮。所以那位女士說:“真遺憾，那天我沒有去教堂。”我媽媽以為她的意思是沒有來參加喝彩俱樂部所招待的茶和甩賣活動。

　　"I'rn glad you didn't.”Mom replied.”You never saw such a mob scene!"

　　我媽媽回答說:“你沒有來太好了，免得你看那片亂哄哄的景色.”

　　"I thought I'd like to see how everyone was dressed，"the guest said."What did you wear?"

　　客人說:“我原打算看看大家穿得如何，你那天穿的是什麼?’，

　　"Just my old navy print and my oxfords,“said Mom，"and a good thing，too，as we cleared almost a thousand dollars. "

　　媽媽說:“就是那套老式的海軍呢和我的牛津服唄。值得一提的是，我們掙了一千多塊錢。”

　　"Did you take a collection?"the woman gasped.

　　“你們收了贈款了嗎?”那位女士驚奇池問。

　　"Oh, no，“said Mom，"you know how it is，a lot of people come just to look and you don't make a thing out of them，so we decided to charge admission at the door.”

　　“噢，沒有，”媽媽說:“你知道怎麼著，許多人只是來看熱鬧，你從他們身上是分文也得不到的，所以我們決定收門票。”

　　At this point Dad realized signals were crossed，and he suggested to Mom that she explain that my sister's wedding had been neither a mob scene nor a profit-making venture.

　　說到這兒，爸爸覺得意思搞誤會了。他建議媽媽解釋一下，我妹妹的婚禮既不是哄亂，也沒收取任何錢財。

　　篇二

　　漫無邊際的選單

　　A man dirning with a friend explained the peculiarities of the restaurant they were in:"The waiters never admit they don't have something. They'll take your order. for a slice of sun and too away as if they mean to get it...then they'll come back and say they just ran out.”

　　一位和朋友吃飯的男士解釋他們在飯館裡吃飯的怪現象時說:“服務員從未承認過他們沒有什麼萊。假如你想要一份太陽，他們也會拿著選單離去，好像真能給你弄來似的。然後，他們回來說這道菜剛賣完。”為了證明這一點，我說:“請來一份恐龍。”

　　To prove his point，he said to the waiter,“The dinosaur，please.”

　　“好的，先生，”服務員回答說:“您要的恐龍是做得嫩點還是老點兒的?”

　　“Yes，sir，“answered the waiter.”And how would you like it cooked?"

　　“老點兒的。”

　　"Well done!"

　　服務員離開了，又很快回來了。“對不起，先生，我們的恐龍菜剛賣完。”

　　The waiter left and returned quickly.“I'm sorry, sir，but we've just run out of a dinosaur.”

　　“什麼?”顧客氣憤地說:“沒有恐龍?”

　　" What?" said the diner with feigned disappointment."No dinosaur?"

　　那服務員低聲地說:“我們的確還剩一些。”他顯得作常自信的樣子。“但恐龍肉有點兒不太鮮了，所以我們還是不給您上這道菜的好。”

　　The waiter lowered his voice. "Well，we do have some left，“he whispered confidentially,"...but it's not very fresh and I won't serve it!”

　　篇三

　　守財奴

　　There was once a large，fat woman who had a small，thin husband. He had a job in a big company and was given his weekly wages every Friday evening. As soon as he got home on Fridays，his wife used to make hirn give her all his money，and then she used to give him back only enough to buy his lunch in the office every day.

　　曾有一位塊兒大、膘肥的女人，她的丈夫卻是瘦小、乾癟。丈夫是在一家大公司做事。每到週五晚上領到工資，也正是週五這位丈夫回家時，老婆就讓他把所有錢都交出來，然後再給他一點兒在辦公室吃午飯的錢。

　　One day the small man came home very excited. He hurried into the living-room. His wife was listening to the radio and eating chocolates.”You'll never guess what happened to me today，dear,"he said. He waited for a few seconds and then added:“I won ten thousand pounds on the lottery!”

　　一天，這位小丈夫回到家，興奮得不得了。他匆匆忙忙地來到起居室。他老婆正在那兒聽廣播，吃巧克力。“親愛的，你永遠也猜不到我今天怎麼了，”他說道，過了數秒鐘他又說:“我中了一萬英磅的彩票。”

　　"That's wonderful!"said his wife delightedly. But then she thought for a few seconds and added angrily，"But wait a moment! How could you afford to buy the ticket?".

　　“太棒了!”他老婆非常高興地說。但她又沉思了一會兒並氣憤地問:“你說說，你拿什麼錢買的彩票?”