風趣幽默英語故事

　　幽默故事，能讓你在信手翻啟間開懷一笑，得到身心的徹底放鬆、心緒的怦然萌動、情感的欣然釋放。下面小編為大家帶來風趣幽默的英語故事三則，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　：你納稅了嗎

　　A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditorwho had come to review his records.

　　一個神色緊張的納稅人正悶悶不樂地和前來查帳的國稅局的稅務審計員交談。

　　At one point the auditor exclaimed,"Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilegeto be allowed to live and work in the USA.

　　審計員一度大聲地說，“Carelton先生，我們認為能在美國生活和工作是莫大的榮幸，

　　As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes,and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile"

　　而作為一個美國公民，您也有納稅的義務。我們希望您能無比樂意地帶著微笑來納稅。”

　　"Thank goodness"returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face,"I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."

　　“謝天謝地”，Carelton先生咧著嘴大笑地回答，“我還以為你們是要我帶著錢來交稅呢!”

　　：離事故有多遠

　　A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed.

　　一位木匠正在為他目擊的一起事故作證。

　　The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.

　　法官問他當時離事發現場有多遠。

　　The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six-and-one-half- inches".

　　木匠回答，“27英尺，6.5英寸”。

　　"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the judge.

　　法官問：“什麼?你怎麼能這樣確定?”

　　"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.

　　木匠回答，“是啊，我知道一定會有傻瓜問我這個問題，所以我事先測量了一下。”

　　：酒後駕車

　　Late one night a police officer was patrolling a rowdy bar to anticipate possible DUI violations.

　　一天深夜，一名警察去一個經常有人鬧事的酒吧門口巡邏，為了避免有酒後駕車的情況發生。

　　At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his.

　　酒吧打烊了，他看見一個傢伙跌跌撞撞的跑出來，一下摔在路邊，隨後又用鑰匙試著開了五輛車的門才找到他自己的車。

　　Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

　　坐進車裡，好幾分鐘他又都是在摸著那些鑰匙。

　　Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.

　　這時人們都從酒吧出來並且開車走了。最後他也發動了車子準備開走，

　　The police officer was waiting for him and turned on his light and pulled the driver over, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test.

　　警察已經等這個機會很久了，他開啟燈，把司機從車裡拉出來，給他宣讀了他所享有的法定權利，然後作了酒精的測試。

　　The test results showed a reading of 0.00.

　　測試的結果是零，

　　The puzzled officer demanded to know how could that be.

　　於是困惑的警察問他是為什麼，

　　The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!"

　　司機說：“今晚他們派我當誘餌。”