簡單短的英語文章
英語作為一門國際通用語,在21世紀已經向著多元化、多功能化的方向發展。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!
1
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner.
Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passerby who'd seen everything xiaogushi8 remarked：“That's extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”
“Not really,” came the reply. “I'm just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”
一個盲人領著一隻導盲犬站在十字路口處等著過馬路。就在這個時候，導盲犬把腿一抬，開始往主人身上撒尿。
這個盲人十分平靜地從口袋裡拿出了一塊餅乾給狗吃。一個過路人剛好看到了這一切，很不解地說：“你的脾氣真好，尤其是那隻狗都做了這樣的事情，你還給它餅乾吃。”
“事實並非如此。”盲人回答說，“我只是想弄清楚它的嘴在哪裡，這樣一來，我就可以踢它的屁股了。”
2
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said,“When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”
The teacher asked,“What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied,“Then you ask him.”
一個小女孩和她的老師正在談論有關鯨魚的事情。
她的老師說：“一頭鯨魚從身體構造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一個人的。因為儘管鯨魚是一種非常巨大的哺乳動物，可它的嗓子非常小。”
那個小女孩說：“約拿***一位西伯來先知***就是被鯨魚吞掉的。”
她的老師非常生氣，她再次告訴小女孩說：“從身體構造角度來講，鯨魚是不可能吞掉一個人的。”
那個小女孩說：“那等我到了天堂，就去問問約拿。”
她的老師問：“那麼，假如約拿下了地獄怎麼辦?”
那個小女孩回答：“如果是那樣的話，你就去問他。”
3
While Milgrom waited at the airport to board his plane, he noticed a computer scale that would give your weight and a fortune.
He dropped a quarter in the slot, and the computer screen displayed：“You weigh 195 xiaogushi8 pounds, you're married and you're on your way to San Diego.” Milgrom stood there dumbfounded.
Another man put in a quarter and the computer read：“You weigh 184 pounds, you're divorced and you're on your way to Chicago.”
Milgrom was amazed. Then he rushed to the men's room, changed his xiaogushi8 clothes and put on dark glasses. He went to the machine again. The computer read:“You still weigh 195 pounds, you're still married, and you just missed your plane to San Diego!”
米爾格魯姆在機場等待登機的時候，注意到了一個電腦秤，它既能稱體重又能算命。
他把一個兩毛五的硬幣丟進電腦秤的一個小孔裡，電腦螢幕上顯示出這樣一行字：“你的體重是195磅，你已經結婚，你將要去往聖迭戈。”米爾格魯姆頓時站在那裡發起了愣。
又有一個人過來了， 他也把硬幣丟進電腦秤裡，螢幕上顯示：“你的體重是184磅，你已經離婚了，你將要去往芝加哥。”
米爾格魯姆很是驚訝。於是，他衝進洗手間，換了一套衣服，戴上了墨鏡，又一次走到電腦稱前。這次螢幕上顯示：“你的體重依然是195磅，你依然是個結了婚的人。只是你剛剛錯過飛往聖迭戈的飛機。”
4
Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, “Do come and see me at my house in the country.” So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, “This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city.”
The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, “ Run! Run! The cat is coming!” They ran away quickly and hid.
After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, “I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid.”
從前，有兩隻老鼠，它們是好朋友。一隻老鼠居住在鄉村，另一隻住在城裡。很多年以後，鄉下老鼠碰到城裡老鼠，它說：“你一定要來我鄉下的家看看。”於是，城裡老鼠就去了。鄉下老鼠領著它到了一塊田地上它自己的家裡。它把所有最精美食物都找出來給城裡老鼠。城裡老鼠說：“這東西不好吃，你的家也不好，你為什麼住在田野的地洞裡呢?你應該搬到城裡去住，你能住上用石頭造的漂亮房子，還會吃上美味佳餚，你應該到我城裡的家看看。”
鄉下老鼠就到城裡老鼠的家去。房子十分漂亮，好吃的東西也為他們擺好了。可是正當他們要開始吃的時候，聽見很大的一陣響聲，城裡的老鼠叫喊起來：“快跑!快跑!貓來了!”他們飛快地跑開躲藏起來。