英語爆笑短笑話帶翻譯閱讀

　　笑話是指以一句短語或一個小故事讓說話者和聽者之間覺得好笑，或是產生幽默感，另外一個行動***動作***型的笑話是以動作影響人的視覺及觀感，而感到好笑。下面一起來看一下英語爆笑笑話吧，包你爆笑一下午~

　　1、The Fish Net

　　Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

　　A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.

　　魚網

　　你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安? 老師發問道。

　　把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。 小女孩回答道。

　　2、The New Teacher

　　George comes from school on the first of September.

　　George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

　　I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....

　　新老師

　　9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。

　　喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎? 媽媽問。

　　媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。

　　2英語笑話帶翻譯

　　《律師、寶馬和胳膊》

　　一個律師開啟他的寶馬車門，突然一輛汽車駛過來把門撞飛了，警察趕到現場，律師正痛苦地抱怨毀壞了他心愛的寶馬。

　　“警察同志，看看他們把我的車弄的!!!”律師哀怨地說。

　　“你們律師真是物質至上，我很不舒服!”警察反駁說，“你這麼關心你可惡的寶馬，你可能沒有注意到你的左胳膊也沒了。”

　　律師終於注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的勞力士手錶在哪兒?”

　　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

　　《狗住旅店》

　　一個人給一家他計劃在假期裡停留的小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很乾淨很有教養，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”

　　旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者牆上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔保，也歡迎您來。

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　交通事故

　　A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'

　　有個人開車行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車闖紅燈從側面撞上了他的車，當時他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他從車裡拉出來並喚醒他。剛一醒過來，他就拼命的掙扎著，最後不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮靜下來。過了一會兒，他平靜了，別人問他為什麼要這麼恐怖的掙扎，他說：“被撞之後我就什麼都不知道了，當我醒過來，我發現我躺在了路邊，前面是一個巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍著‘殼牌’，但是有個人擋住了那個“S。”

　　The Monkey

　　A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."

　　一男子去酒吧，點了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。當他環視酒吧時，發現一隻猴子蕩下來，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。該男子問酒吧招待，這隻猴子是誰的。服務員回答說是鋼琴手的。男子走到鋼琴手面前問：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒嗎?”鋼琴手回答說：“沒有，但是如果你能哼唱，我會為你演奏的。”

　　A Present 凱特的禮物

　　Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

　　Mom: No, Honey, what?

　　Kate: A nice teapot.

　　Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.

　　Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.

　　凱特：媽媽，你知道我要給你一件什麼生日禮物嗎?

　　媽媽：不知道，寶貝，是什麼呀?

　　凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。

　　媽媽：可是我已經有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。

　　凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。

　　咒語

　　An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

　　一個男人找到一個巫婆，要求她解開一條困擾了自己40年的咒語。

　　The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

　　巫婆說："或許我可以做的到，但你必須一字不落地告訴我下咒的時候說的那句咒語。"

　　The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."

　　男人毫不猶豫的答道：“‘我現在宣佈你們成為夫婦。’”

　　我當時還不缺錢

　　Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.

　　"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."

　　"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"

　　"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."

　　一個看起來很難受的窮人走進大夫的診室。

　　"大夫!"他說，"幫幫我!一個月前我吞了一分硬幣!"

　　"天哪，"大夫說，"早幹嘛去了?你當時怎麼不來看?"

　　"實話告訴您吧，大夫，"窮人說，"我當時還不缺錢!"

　　The Nice Wedding Gift

　　We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher. Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: "Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.

　　我們參加了一個熟人的兒子的婚禮。由於我們都不認識那個年輕人和他的新娘，所以我們決定送給他們一個實用的全家禮----一個滅火器。很明顯，這對新人大批量製作了他們的感謝信，因為我們收到了一張卡片，上面寫著：“非常感謝您的漂亮的結婚禮物，我們期待著不久就用到它。”

　　A: How ‘bout we try my new “snuff ball” pitch?

　　A: 試試我新的必殺球怎麼樣?

　　B: What’s that?

　　B: 怎麼做的?

　　A: First, I remove “a pinch ” from between my cheek and my gums…

　　A: 首先，先把球放在我的臉頰和牙齒中間······ ······

　　B: That’s enough, I don’t wanna hear the rest

　　B: 夠了，餓哦不想聽後面的了。