讓人笑掉大牙的英語笑話
笑話是一種流傳廣泛為人民群眾所喜愛的文學樣式。一篇好的笑話,總是以短小的篇幅、精煉的語言、諷刺的手法,表達一個引人發笑的故事,在笑中寓有深義,發人深思,促人戰鬥,使人猛醒。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!
篇一
Getting into His Work 專注於工作
The priest was so concerned with the welfare of his pretty young parishioner that he invited her to his private quarters to discuss her confession.
一位神父非常關切教區內一位年輕美麗的教友幸福，因此便邀她到他私人住處討論她的懺悔。
“Now, let me get this straight,” said the priest. “This young man you went out with--did he put his arm around your shoulder like this?”
“現在讓我把事情搞清楚，”神父說道“，這個年輕人跟你出去他是不是像這樣把他的手臂繞在你的肩膀?”
“Yes, Father, and worse.”
“是的，神父，還有更糟的事情呢。”
“And did he put his hand on your thigh like this?”
“他也像這樣把手放在你的大腿上嗎?”
“Yes, Father, and worse.”
“是的，神父，還有更壞的呢。”
By now the clergyman was thoroughly aroused. He hiked the girl’s skirt and gave her a vigorous humping. “And did he do this?” he inquired.
此時神父已被刺激得興奮莫名，他撩起女孩的裙子，元氣充沛地和她做起愛來“，他也這樣做嗎?”神父問道。
“Yes, Father, and worse.”
“是的，神父，還有更糟的呢!”
“But what could be worse than what I just did?”
“有什麼還比我剛剛所做的更糟呢?”
“I’m afraid, Father, that he gave me the clap.”
“恐怕，神父，他把淋病傳染給我了。”
篇二
Can’t You Be a Little More Supportive? 你能不能多支援我一點?
The delighted young politician called his mother and reported enthusiastically, “Hey, Mom, I just won the election!”
一位年輕的政客打電話給他母親，高興地說道“：嘿，媽，我剛贏得這次的選舉呢!”
“Honestly, dear?” exclaimed his mother.
“你沒在騙我吧，親愛的?”他的媽媽驚叫。
“Aw, Jeez, Mom, do you have to bring up something like that at a time like this?”
“喔，媽!在這種時刻你還要提出像這樣的問題嗎?***你這時還不相信我嗎/你 還以為我是政客的虛假作風嗎?***不相信我嗎?”
篇三
the perfect solution 完美解決之道
president shrub was flying over the u.s. with his staff. suddenly he got a brilliant inspiration: “you know, i think i’ll just throw a fifty-dollar bill out the window and make somebody happy.”
史拉伯總統和他的幕僚正搭機橫越美國上空。忽然間他心中突發奇想“，我想由視窗扔一張五十元美鈔下去，讓某個人高興一下。”
“mr. president, why don’t you throw out five ten-dollar bills and make five people happy? ” suggested his celebrated secretary of state.
“總統先生，您為什麼不丟五張十元的鈔票讓五個人高興呢?”著名的國務卿建議道。
vice-president partridge caught on, “golly, mr. president, why don’t you throw fifty singles and make fifty people happy ?”
副總統派翠基接著說“：啊，總統先生，您為什麼不丟五十張一元鈔票，好讓五十個人高興呢?”
the pilot turned around and said, “why don’t you just throw yourself out the window and make everybody happy?”
這時飛機駕駛員轉身說道：“為什麼你不把自己丟出窗外，好讓每個人都高興呢?”
篇四
Change of Plan 臨時改變主意
Frank and Fred had received their draft notices on the same day, and neither wanted to enter the army.
法蘭克和佛烈德兩人同一天收到召集令，兩人都不想去服兵役。
But Frank had heard the army would not accept anyone without teeth, so they both had all their teeth pulled.
但法蘭克曾經聽人說軍中不收沒有牙齒的人，因此他們兩人都把所有的牙齒給拔掉了。
On the day of their medical exam, Frank and Fred got in line, but a huge, hairy, smelly truck driver cut in between them.
在體格檢查那天，他們兩人排在同一排隊伍，可是有一個大塊頭、滿身毛髮而且臭味難當的卡車司機插在他們中間。
As Frank got up to the head of the line, he announced to the inspecting sergeant that he had no teeth. The sergeant had Frank open his mouth, ran his forefinger over the raw gums and said, “Sure enough, you don’t. You’re rejected.”
當法蘭克排到隊伍的前頭時，他對檢查的班長說他沒有牙齒，那名士官要他張開嘴巴，接著用食指在他紅腫的牙齦繞了一圈後說道“：沒錯，你沒牙齒，不用當兵!”
Turning to the truck driver, he asked, “What’s your problem?”
接著輪到卡車司機，士官說“：你有什麼問題嗎?”
The trucker said, “I’ve got a tremendous case of the piles.”
卡車司機說道“：我患有嚴重的痔瘡。”
The sergeant had the fellow bend over, inserted his forefinger and rotated it around thoroughly. “Sure enough, you’ve got a bad case. Rejected!”
班長要那個傢伙彎下身去，用他的食指在肛門轉了一整圈後說道“：沒錯，你的情形很嚴重，不合格!”
Turning to Fred, the sergeant demanded, “And what’s your problem?”
再來輪到佛烈德，班長又問“：那你的問題是什麼?”
Staring at the forefinger, Fred replied, “Nothing at all, sergeant, nothing at all.
凝視著他的食指，佛烈德答道“：沒什麼問題，班長，我一點問題也沒有。”