關於大學英語笑話短文

　　前蘇聯著名作家高爾基說過,“哪裡有人,哪裡就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調劑品”。小編精心收集了，供大家欣賞學習!

　　：The cowboy without a horse

　　A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

　　He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

　　No one answered.

　　"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

　　Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

　　He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started

　　：Never talk to the parrot

　　Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside namedKiller; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"

　　Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed,yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.

　　As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"

　　To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!"

　　：You could feed them a lot faster

　　There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.

　　The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"

　　The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"

　　：They're boasting about race records

　　Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

　　Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

　　"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

　　At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

　　The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

　　：A very insulting parrot

　　This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam."

　　She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on hisperch in his cage. "Did you say that?" she asks.

　　"Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you."

　　The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot, but one that paid such nice compliments. So she pays for him and takes him home. On the way, she says, "You know, I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?"

　　The parrot says, "Why yes, that would be delightful. I know a charming place on 7th Street."

　　So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for dinner, bringing the parrot along, of course. When the woman enters the building, the parrot begins complaining, swearing, and even bit her once.

　　Well, the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the throat, marches down the stairs into the basement, and stuffs the parrot in the freezer. She leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back out. The parrot is very cold.

　　She says, "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such language in my house!"

　　The parrot says, "Okay, okay, I promise it won't happen again. I am deeply sorry."

　　Within five minutes, he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm and once on the finger.

　　The lady is absolutely stunned. She rips the parrot out of his cage, goes down the stairs, into the cellar, and, slam, into the freezer. This time, she leaves him in there for fifteen minutes.

　　When she finally takes him out, the parrot is one step away from death. He is shivering and has light frost on thebeak. "I swear it will never ever happen again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws, he looks up at the lady and says, "I do have one question though. That turkey in there, what'd he do, attack you?"