經濟發展是否帶來環境汙染英語話題作文批改
編者按：經濟快速發展的社會會帶來環境問題嗎?這是許多人的疑問，現在它已經成為一個公眾都關注的問題了。
In modern society, pretty public agree that the most significant element about pollution and damage of environment is the developing technology and increasing living standards, and they believe that this phenomenon is avoidless. Personally, I disagree with this point.
Firstly, with the improvement inpersonal wealth, cars’ fumes are an important type of pollution, and pose a threat to public’s health, while the government is capable of implementing a kind of measures to reduce this type of contaminant. Government enable to make some interest advertisements on the street. These commercials related to the consequences of traffic fumes encourage people to reduce dependence on cars, and usepublic transport to and from work. In addition, factories are able to manufacture more electric cars instead of petrol-powered cars due to that electric cars are more energy-efficient and make less pollution. Furthermore, thestate can provide electric car buyers with subsides. This enables to encourage more public to buy electric cars.
Secondly, people adapt a throw-away culture in recent decades, attributed by that public becomes richer and they prefer to buy other goods rather than reuse them. For this reason the government also enables to introduce strict laws to protect the environment from pollution. Environmental education programmers should be added to compulsory subjects in primary school and even in university, as it is beneficial for the government to maximize the profit that enhance the environment awareness in next generation. The next generation are conscious of the importance of reusing goods. This means that the old goods do not break down easily, and they will be transform to industrial waste and produce increasing amount of waste.
In conclusion, pollution is a serious problem in this world, while we are capable of setting up different policies to avoid and reduce harmfulness of pollution.
評價：
1. 這篇文章的主題是讓你闡述自己的觀點：經濟發展和環境汙染有沒有關係?並不是環境汙染來源於哪些方面。你的主體段1寫的是汽車尾氣是汙染的主要來源，並且說了政府應該這麼做。主體段2寫的是應該廢物利用，政府應該怎麼做。仔細看看，你有哪一段寫到了經濟發展國民變富了?你只是寫到了環境汙染的兩個來源：尾氣和亂丟東西。和country developing and becoming richer有關係嗎?所以你這屬於嚴重跑題。雅思作文的評分標準第一條task response你都沒有達到，所以5-是肯定的了。但你這篇文章還有可挽救的餘地因為尾氣和亂丟old goods的原因都是人們變得有錢了所產生的問題，私家車多了，尾氣才多，有錢了懶得用老東西了。這些你都可以寫得和country developing扯上邊，但是你沒寫。
2. 將can換成enable to 和 capable of 等的確是學術一點，但是在表達建議時候用should 和need。
3. Rather than 後面加不應該做的事情，比如你應該愛護她rather than拋棄她，你文中rather than後面是reuse them，是不是不通?
4. 汽車尾氣是automobile exhaust.
5. Furthermore一般在大觀點的時候才用，你用在了主體段的第二個小觀點上，不太好，可以用moreover /also /additionally/in addition等代替。
6. 再次強調conclusion是總結自己的觀點，你就寫了一句話，pollution is a serious problem in this world， 這就叫廢話，所以應該帶上你自己的兩個觀點，尾氣和亂丟。最後再寫政府應該怎麼樣,詳見範文。
作者| Lynn
公眾號： 雅思寫作王
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