經典的幽默搞笑小笑話

  只要是英語的我們多多積累就可以了。今天小編就給大家分享一下英語的笑話,快來學習一下吧

  你活不成了

  Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.

  一個人得了重病,妻子伴隨他去看醫生。檢查過後,醫生示意病人的妻子到走廊見他。

  "Your husband is very sick, " the doctor said, "but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment , and don't complain about anything. Finally, make passionate love to him every day.“

  你丈夫病得很重,”醫生說,“但有三件事可保住他的性命。第一,一日三餐,要營養美味。第二,給他一個輕鬆的環境,不要抱怨。第三,每天都對他傾注熾熱的愛。”

  On the drive home the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"

  在驅車回家的路上,丈夫問道:“醫生說了什麼?”

  "I'm sorry, " she said, "but you're not going to make it.“

  很遺憾,“你活不成了。”

  他什麼都沒聽到

  Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

  我在郵局上班,對於顧客們的各種情緒早已習以為常了。所以,有一天當一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作臺時,我還是非常平靜地問她,“有什麼問題嗎?”“我早上上街了,”女顧客說,“我回到家的時候,我看到一個卡片,卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹,但沒人在家。可是我的丈夫整個早上都在家啊。他說他什麼都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之後,我把包裹給了她。“噢,太好了”,那位女顧客喜形於色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什麼好東西?”我問。“我丈夫的新助聽器”。

  我要出去

  A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang." What time do you open up in the morning ?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.

  在凌晨兩點,酒吧店主鎖了店門,回家睡覺。他剛躺下幾分鐘,這時電話響了。“你早上幾點營業?”他聽到一位明顯已醉醺醺的男子的聲音。

  The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. "Listen," the owner shouted ,"there's no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn't let a person in your condition in-"

  店主非常氣憤,砰地一聲掛上電話又上床去睡。幾分鐘後又有一個電話,他聽到還是那個聲音問同樣的問題。“聽著,”店主嚷道,“不要問我什麼時候營業,因為我不會讓你這種人進----”

  "I don't want to get in," the caller interjected. "I want to get out“

  我不是想進來,”那人打斷他的話,“我要出去。”