關於英語笑話用英文怎麼說

　　英語冷笑話作為一種新興的語言現象，越來越受到大家的關注，尤其在網路、雜誌、微博、電影上十分盛行。本文是關於英語笑話，希望對大家有幫助!

　　關於英語笑話：Attractive Woman

　　A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

　　"Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

　　"Actually, no" he replies.

　　"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

　　"Im afraid I cant" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"

　　"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

　　"Tell him that there is no loo paper in the ladies."

　　關於英語笑話：Grandma Loves Oranges

　　A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her Grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl.

　　The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl became frantic.

　　Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are youlining up for dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her secret, the young girl said that some people were giving out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

　　"Mmmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma, "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But, you're so old, how do you do it?"

　　Grandma replied," Oh, it's quite easy sonny, I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry."

　　關於英語笑話：Indecent Proposal

　　The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartmentwhich was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper.

　　The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me have sex with you for a dollar?"

　　"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper.

　　A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me have sex with you for a million dollars?"

　　After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again the man returned to his newspaper.

　　A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me have sex with you for five dollars?"

　　"Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?"

　　"We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling over the price!"

　　關於英語笑話：Faith Healer

　　Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their

　　various disorders.

　　"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "But I guess it is impossible."

　　"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months."

　　"You must tell me what you did."

　　"I went to a faith healer."

　　"But I've tried that. My husband and I

　　went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."

　　The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time, dearie."

　　關於英語笑話：The Blonde Painter

　　Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

　　The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"

　　"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.

　　"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.

　　"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.

　　"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."

　　The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.

　　"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.

　　"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.

　　About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.

　　"You painted the whole porch?"

　　"Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"

　　The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.