看笑話學英語

　　下面是小編整理的看笑話學英語，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　：Quick Cleanup快速清掃

　　Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. It read "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub."

　　不速之客就在路上，我媽媽，一個完美的家庭主婦，正忙裡忙外地整理。她分配給我爸和我哥哥的任務是打掃供客人使用的浴室。一會兒之後，當她去檢查的時候，她吃驚了，曾經一度雜亂的房間瞬間就被打掃乾淨了。接著她看到浴簾上有一張紙條，紙條上寫著：“謝謝你沒往浴缸裡看。”

　　：Christmas Eve Service平安夜禮拜

　　Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"

　　就在我開始平安夜禱告時，教堂停電了。教堂裡的接待人員和我找到一些蠟燭，把它們放在禮堂周圍。然後我重返講道壇，整理了一下筆記後，我說：“剛才我講到哪兒了?”傳來一陣不耐煩的聲音：“馬上就講完了!”

　　：Coins in American Currency 美國的硬幣

　　There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent ***a penny,a cent, one cent***, $.05 or 5 cents ***a nickel, five cents***,$.1 or 10 cents ***a dime, ten cents***, $.25 or 25 cents***a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents***, and $.50 or50 cents ***a fifty-cent piece***.

　　Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore.

　　Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.

　　One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬幣是按下列幣值鑄造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。

　　硬幣也叫"零錢"，"小錢"，或"銀幣"，雖然它們不再是用銀子鑄成的。總的說來，硬幣是通過大小來識別的，但總有人把十美分搞錯，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按幣值的大小順序排列。

　　還有一點要說明：你不能伸出手，托出一把紙幣和硬幣而希望別人從你那裡拿走數目正確的零錢。這在任何西方國家都是不好的。

　　：Now We Run 現在我們跑吧

　　A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"

　　一個牧師正沿著街走路，這時他看到街對面有個小男孩正試圖按一所房子的門鈴。但這個小孩太小了，門鈴又高，他夠不著。看到那個小男孩費了很多勁，牧師走近了他。牧師優雅地穿過馬路，走到小傢伙的背後，輕輕地把手放在小男孩肩頭，按響了門鈴。他彎下身子，微笑著問道：“接下來怎麼辦，孩子?”小男孩回答說：“接下來我們跑。”

　　：We Left Nothing 我們什麼也沒留下

　　Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She

　　locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman

　　on the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON’T LEAVE ANYTHING."

　　When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:

　　"THANKS! WE HAVEN’T LEFT ANYTHING!"

　　布朗太太要外出一天。她鎖好了房門，在門上給送牛奶的人釘了一張便條：“家裡沒人，請不要留下任何東西!” 她當天晚上回家後發現房間門被撞開，房子被洗劫一空。在她留給送奶人的便條上，她發現被補充了一句：“謝謝!我們什麼也沒留下!”

　　：你以為你是誰?Who do you think you are?

　　The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.

　　“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”

　　“I am the driver.” he said.

　　公共汽車上很擠，當又一個人還是試圖上車時，乘客們不讓他上。

　　“車上太擠了，”他們喊道，“你以為你是誰?”

　　“我是司機!”他說。

　　：瘋人院 The Looney Bin

　　Late one night at the insane asylum ***瘋人院***one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"

　　The first inmate said, "God told me!"