關於英文的笑話

　　英語笑話,幽默故事,如選擇合理,運用得當,可以成為英語教師有力的教學工具和完美的附加教材,起到輔助教學的良好作用。下面是小編帶來的閱讀，歡迎閱讀!

　　閱讀篇一

　　I wasn't asleep 我沒有睡著

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductornoticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged***用肘輕推*** him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　當一群婦女上車之後，車上的座位全都被佔滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒!”

　　“我沒有睡著。”那個男人回答。

　　“沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?”

　　“我知道，我只是不願意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。”

　　閱讀篇二

　　A Nail Or A Fly? 釘子還是蒼蠅?

　　An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor.

　　When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy***同情*** for him and decided to do him a favour.

　　So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.

　　Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully andslapped***拍擊*** it with all his strength.

　　On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched***緊握的*** and his right hand bleeding!

　　一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在牆上有隻蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩隻瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來摔碎了，酒灑了一地。

　　一個女服務員發現發生的事情以後，對他深表同情，決定幫他個忙。

　　於是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。

　　這裡，老人回到了房裡。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往牆上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。

　　聽到一聲大叫，好心的女服務員衝進房來。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關緊咬，右手滴血不止。

　　閱讀篇三

　　An Unwelcome Honor 寧可不要的榮耀

　　A doctor came into the hospital ward and said to Mr. Johnson, "I have some good news and some bad news for you."

　　Then Mr. Johnson said, "Please, give me the good news first."

　　So the doctor said, "The doctors here are going to name an incurable disease after you."

　　一位醫生走進醫院的病房，告訴強森先生：“我有一個好訊息和一個壞訊息要告訴你。”

　　強森先生說：“請先告訴我好訊息吧!”

　　醫生說：“本院的醫師決定用你的名字，來為一種不治之症命名。”

　　閱讀篇四

　　A Smugglar 走私犯

　　The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry***哨兵*** . When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at theseams***縫合線*** .

　　"What's in here?" he asked.

　　"Dirt," the driver replied.

　　"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

　　Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

　　A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

　　"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.

　　"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

　　Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.

　　The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender***酒保*** .

　　Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house***免費*** tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."

　　Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."

　　一個形跡可疑的人開車來到邊境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在檢查汽車行李箱時，驚奇地發現了六個接縫處鼓得緊繃繃的大口袋。

　　“裡面裝的是什麼?”他問道。

　　“土。”司機回答。

　　“把袋子拿出來”，哨兵命令道：“我要檢查。”

　　那人順從地把口袋搬了出來。確實，口袋裡除了土以外，別無他特。哨兵很不情願地讓他通過了。

　　一週後，那人又來了，哨兵再次檢查汽車上的行李箱。

　　“這次袋子裡裝的是什麼?”他問道。

　　“土，又運了一些土。”那人回答。

　　哨兵不相信，對那些袋子又進行了檢查，結果發現，除了土以外，仍舊一無所獲。

　　同樣的事情每週重演一次，一共持續了六個月。最後，哨兵被弄得灰心喪氣，乾脆辭職去當了酒吧侍者。

　　有天夜裡，那個形跡可疑的人碰巧途經酒吧，下車喝酒。那位從前的哨兵急忙迎上前去對他說，“我說，老兄，你要是能幫我一個忙，今晚的酒就歸我請客。你能不能告訴我，那段時間你到底在走私什麼東西?”