三則經典趣味英語笑話
下面是小編整理的，希望大家喜歡!
經典英語笑話：臨時改變主意
Frank and Fred had received their draft notices on the same day, and neither wanted to enter the army.
法蘭克和佛烈德兩人同一天收到召集令，兩人都不想去服兵役。
But Frank had heard that the army would nct accept anyone without teeth, so they both had all their teeth pulled.
但法蘭克曾經聽人說軍中不收沒有牙齒的人，因此他們兩人都把所有的牙齒給拔掉了。
On the day of their medical exam, Frank and Fred got in line, but a huge, hairy, smelly truck driver cut in between them.
在體格檢查那天，他們兩人排在同一排隊伍，可是有一個大塊頭、滿身毛髮而且臭味難當的卡車司機插在他們中間。
As Frank got up to the head of the line, he announced to the inspecting sergeant that he had no teeth.
當法蘭克排到隊伍的前頭時，他對檢查的班長說他沒有牙齒，
The sergeant had Frank open his mouth, ran his forefinger over the raw gums and said,
那名士官要他張開嘴巴，接著用食指在他紅腫的牙齦繞了一圈後說道：
"Sure endugh, you don’t. You’re rejected. "
“沒錯，你沒牙齒，不用當兵!”
Turning to the truck driver, he asked, 'What's your problem?"
接著輪到卡車司機，士官說：“你有什麼問題嗎?”
The trucker said, "I've got a tremendous case of the piles. "
卡車司機說道：“我患有嚴重的痔瘡。”
The sergeant had the fellow bend over, inserted his fore finger and rotated it around thoroughly,
班長要那個傢伙彎下身去，用他的食指在肛門轉了一整圈後說道：
"Sure enough, you've got a bad case. Rejected!"
“沒錯，你的情形很嚴重，不合格!”
Turning to Fred, the sergeant demanded, "And what's your problem?"
再來輪到佛烈德，班長又問：“那你的問題是什麼?”
Staring at the forefinger, Fred replied, "Nothing at all, sergeant, nothing at all. "
凝視著他的食指，佛烈德答道：“沒什麼問題，班長，我一點問題也沒有。”
經典英語笑話：把褲腳塞在你的褲腳去
The untried general faced battle the next day, and was more than a little frightened.
一位未曾有過作戰經驗的將軍非常惶恐，因為第二天將有個戰役要面對。
Seeking inspiration, he looked into the history of great commanders and learned that Wellingtonhad always dressed in red for battle,
為了尋找靈感，他翻查了歷年來偉大將領的檔案，發現威靈頓將軍每次戰鬥中都身穿紅色衣服，
so that his men would not realize if he were shot.
萬一他被射傷的話，他的士兵也不會發現。
Instantly he called in his adjutant and ordered a pair of trousers in a rich, dark brown.
於是他傳了副官進來並指示手下做了一條深褐色的褲子。
經典英語笑話：頭腦要保持冷靜
A young man was working in the produce section of a grocery store when a customer asked him for half a head of cabbage.
有一個年輕人在一家雜貨店的農產部門工作，一天一位顧客要向他買半顆包心菜
"Sir, we don't sell half heads of anything. "
“先生，我們東西都沒有賣半顆的。”
"Well, I insist; 1 0nly want half a head. "
“哎呀，我就買半顆，我只要半顆。”
"I'll ask the manager. "
“我要問問經理才行。”
The young man walked to the manager's office and, not realizing that the customer had followed him, said to the manager,
那名年輕人走到經理的辦公室，不知道那位顧客尾隨著他，他對經理說道：
"Sir, some asshole wants to buy just half a head of cabbage. "
“經理，有個渾蛋只要買半顆包心菜。”
Turning and noticing the customer, he quickly added,
他轉身發現那名顧客，立刻又補充說：
"And this gentleman wants the other half. "
“而這位先生要買另一半。”
Later, the manager took the young man aside and said,
稍後，經理把他拉到一旁說道：
"That was quick thinking, young fellow. We can use bright lads like you. If I hear of a higher position opening up, I'll keep you in mind. "
“年輕人，你反應真快。我們需要像你這麼聰明的人，如果有較高的職位空缺，我會記得你的。”
Sure enough, a few weeks later the manager told the young man that an assistant manager's spot had become vacant in the company's store in Edmonton.
幾個星期之後，經理告訴那名年輕人在艾得蒙敦分店有個襄理的職位空缺。
"Edmonton!" blurted out the young man. "Why, there's nothing in Edmonton but hookers andhockey',event***">hockey playersi"
“艾得蒙敦!”年輕人叫了出來，“那兒有的只是妓女和曲棍球選手而已。”
"Young man , my wife happens to come from Edmonton! "
“年輕人，我太太剛好來自艾得蒙敦!”
"No kidding, sir; what posltion does she play?"
“真的嗎?經理，那她是打哪一個位置呢?”